


HOAX

by Seung



Series: ...As it has been said in a song (drabble game) [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Cheating, Drabble Collection, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Injury, Injury Recovery, Inspired by Music, Inspired by song, Mafia EXO (EXO), Mild Language, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, One Shot Collection, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pining, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22375294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seung/pseuds/Seung
Summary: … As it has been said in a song (drabble series)04.“Well, isn’t this exactly where you like me?I am exactly where you like me, you know”- But It’s Better If You Do - P!atD
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Reader, Park Chanyeol/Reader
Series: ...As it has been said in a song (drabble game) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610638
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Senior year at high school is one of those things that cannot be put in words. It’s different for everyone, but it’s always intense. To tell what is like for others is hard, looking at them isn’t enough to tell the turmoil that it is inside and even those that seem to have all their lives planned out – for themselves or someone else –, even so, it’s far from being easy going and settling. Being at such an age is already challenging, all the gigs about finding one-self, deciding what step to take from then one, a step that has to be so well-thought out because it feels like it might define the rest of their lives, a wrong step and life is ruined, maybe forever. It’s hard and thrilling, exciting, worrisome. It’s life going berserk inside instead of out.

It’s seeing everyone living on, apparently, so easily even under the worst situation and not understanding why and how could they do that when the world could just fall on their hands in a second.

In a way, later on, with mind settled and a new “breath of life” everyone realizes how much less there was to it, but that doesn’t really matter, not at that moment. It doesn’t really matter if it’s that person who has life planned on, if it’s someone who’s hanging by a thread, someone who feels hopeless – who doesn’t at that point in life, honestly? Though there seems to be so many people who are good at hiding, or is it that the usual selfish blindness making people thinking this way?

It’s an open secret that no one talk about it. Even the air around everyone is different, especially when they look at the junior students walking towards the school grounds. The large patio fascinates the newcomers, the garden, the different people talking in groups. It’s a relief and a happiness for them to see at least one recognizable face, it brings ‘em some sense of familiarity, it’s good even it’s an older brother or sister they have to pester just to not be alone, better than anything if it’s ,at least, one of their friends, an outstanding happiness if they find out they’re in the same class, but it’s really bad if they’re new in town and knows no one or they meet one of those bullies– For them it’s only the beginning and the senior group can only look at them knowingly of what lays upon their ways, what they should expect with nothing but smirk or not look at all.

“Should I pick you up later?”, you father ask you the moment you’re about to step out the car.

“No. It’s okay, dad!”

“Alright, don’t forget the cram school!”

“I won’t.”, the car mingles with the others in traffic as you walk in school yard along with other students, fixing the swinging the backpack on your shoulder.

The air is filled with the sound of laughter and talking from everyone. Louder than it would usually be, except during festivals and, of course, the end of the year. The ceremony day, the good-byes and all that.

As soon as you walk in the school’s main hall you turn to see the person who calls out your name, you smile seeing your friend waving at you. You rush your steps, but the next thing you know she’s already by your side, dragging you towards the corridors and the stairs.

“Hey! I have to see my classro–”

“Don’t bother. I already did this, for both of us”, you hug her by her neck and she struggles to get free playfully, “I know, I know, I’m awesome! You’re welcome, but don’t kill me!”, you laugh her.

The previous years was well-used for exploring the school grounds by most of the students, including you and your friend, so obviously she didn’t even need to look the way she was going to know it was the right way and you just followed beside her without questioning as the two of you talk about whatever comes in your minds.

After settling in the desk in front of you, she turns to look at you.

“Y/n, I’m worried about this classroom”, she starts with a shushed tone, you glance at her with a frown as you settle yourself at your desk, “Pretty sure we should ask transference or something”

“Why?”, you ask in surprise, “they won’t let us, the rooms are settled by the school ranking, you know that.”

“Still…”, she sighs, “This isn’t right. I’m not sure if this classroom will be heaven or hell”, you snort at that

“What are you talking about?”, she sighs in distress again and you lean toward her on your desk, petting her head.

“Byun Baekhyun is in this class, can you believe it? How can that gangster be in this class?”, she complains.

You click your tongue and lean back on your seat, looking at her a little reprehensibly.

“He scores high every exam we take. Always in top 10. It’s only natural that he was placed in this class.”

“He always scored high but never got to be in our class and why? Because he’s a gangster and a bully and always get placed on other classrooms for beating up people and not only students! You know his father is–”, you cut her

“I know. I heard all that before.”, you say tiredly and crosses your legs under the desk, “I don’t think you should worry about him, I heard he never comes to any classes”, she sighs once again, in frustration, “Don’t worry”, you smile at her.

“How can you be so relaxed about it?”

“I don’t know why you worry so much about it. Honestly, let him be”, you give her a short shrug, “I’m sure he has better things to worry about than getting the class in trouble. It’s an all-or-nothing year for everyone, neither the teachers nor our parents, let alone the school itself will let someone happen with this class”, you explain, “Don’t marginalize him.”

She leans back, looking at you and shaking her head negatively.

“Whoa, Y/n! Look at you!”, she pretends to look at you with judgement in her eyes, from head to toe, “I agree with my dad. You’re born a lawyer, it’s in your blood!”

“Don’t talk nonsense”, she chuckles, “where does our heaven stand?”

“AH!”, her sudden outburst has the other students looking at her and she covers her mouth, sitting back down on the chair, “That can be my final chance!”

“For what exactly? Extra points?”, you joke and she pushes playfully

“Don’t curse me like this”, she puts her hand over her heart and looks like it’s praying for a moment, with eyes closed, you hold back a laugh knowing how superstitious your friend is, “My parents would bury me alive if I needed extra points for college”

“We both have a scholarship on the way, so don’t worry. Just focus and it’ll be okay.”

“Focus? With Park Chanyeol in our class? How?”

“Park Chanyeol?”

“Yes, The Park Chanyeol himself. I thought I didn’t have any chances after he went overseas, but I guess destiny is giving one last chance”

“Right”, you scoff, “I guess your last chance is walking in the room right now”, she immediately turns around to see Chanyeol walking in.

Not too long after the homeroom teacher walked in, introduced himself even though there was no need for such a thing. All the students knew fairly well virtually every teacher there is in that school.

“I see Baekhyun is not with us”, he crooks the corner of his lips unimpressed, “as expected.”, even though he says that to himself, the class is quiet and silent, full of model students, so nothing less is expected.

No one seems to even remember he supposed to be in that classroom after what the teacher’s comment. Everything proceeds naturally even with Baekhyun being absent, as if he’s a ghost student. His empty desk is just an empty desk with no purpose.

The election to be class president is held even with him, a small group of girls name Chanyeol for the position and when the teacher ask him he tries to avoid it with ends up getting his name written on the board anyway. Stubbornly, as a way to oppose all the fangirling, the teacher suggests that at least one person with real interest would competed, everyone has a lot to do during the year and after much convincing, you raise your hand.

“You’re aspiring to be a lawyer. This is good for you, Y/n”, the homeroom teacher tells you.

You win and Chanyeol takes the charge of being a vice-president after much insistence from his personal fanclub and to the annoyance of the others, specially the boys and mostly to the teachers who takes some time to lecture the class about how important it is to focus on studies instead of idols this years. When he’s told about his position and if he’d take the responsibility or not, Chanyeol only nods quietly, in return he receives glares from the others and you can hear rumors about his self-centered personality when the boy doesn’t even glance elsewhere but either the blackboard, his workbook or the view through the window beside him.

The others promise to support you and you know most of them mean it, specially your friend, even though she’s partially disappointed for Chanyeol losing. And, as if you don’t have enough to worry about, when lunch break comes everyone is relieved to able to stretch a little and, mostly, eat something.

“Oh! I forgot my lunch at home~”, you cry as you turn your backpack upside down, looking for the lunchbox.

“What’re you doing? Let’s share!”, she places her lunchbox on your desk and gives you a pair of spare chopsticks from her backpack.

“I’ll buy you an ice cream later~”, you offer knowing that’s her weakness.

“You can share my lunch whenever you can”, you hum in reply while you chew

“I still have to call mom to bring me my lunchbox or I’ll be hungry at cram school and I won’t have time to go home and get it”

True to your words that’s what you did and later on, during class, a school staff came to call you, telling you father was waiting at the parking lot. The teacher excused you, telling you to hurry and you did run your way there.

“I told you to pack your lunch the day before, you wouldn’t listen!”

“I know, I know, dad!”, you whine, “Please, give it to me already or the teacher won’t let me hear the end of it, really.”

“Alright, I know”, he hands you the lunchbox and you smile in return.

“I gotta go now”, you step out of the car in hurry to leave and you’re a fair distance when you father steps out of the car and calls you, so you have to turn, impatient to leave, “What?~”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up after school? Don’t be late!”

“It’s alright! Don’t worry~, I won’t be late! Just go!”

When you stomp your feet your impatient mood finally gets to your father who drives away right after and you turn your back to the way he went to go back to class.

“Whoa! Our class president has a daddy!”

You stop on your tracks and look at the two sport cars parked side by side, one of them recognizably imported and expensive with roof stowed and a few students with the school’s uniform hanging around, all of them very much comfortable as they could.

Like most things about this school you know the troublemakers, seen their faces, know their names, but went never anywhere close. Not that you never crossed ways with them, but they always kept themselves playing with other people while you kept on your way, naturally. The kind of relationship you have your parents is about the same as most teens out there, troubled. But that doesn’t mean other people could just offend them in such a way.

“Excuse me?”, he grinned at your response, obviously glad by the little attention and internally surprised that you actually replied to his little joke.

“Oh! Don’t mind me”, he puts up an act, swinging a leg off the car while sitting with a very laid back attitude on the truck, “You can’t blame me for being surprised”, he sighs dramatically, “I just wonder what would the school would think about one of their top students doing such a thing”, the boy clicks his tongue a couple of times in reapproval, “I heard they just elected you class president. Such a shame for such our prestigious Y/n”, he mocks you.

Before you know you’re walking towards him and the others seem quite interested, except for someone who’s laying on the back seat and another, leaning comfortably – well, as comfortable as one can be – on the car’s side, smoking. The smell makes you squint your nose and take a step back. You don’t mind them either when you stop before the car, not feeling threatened by their exquisite appearances that defy the school rules, dyed hair, lose or customized uniform, tattoos.

The un-mistakeable group belongs to the infamous Baekhyun or, as most people call, his gang of bullies. No one can do anything against them because whatever they decided to do in return it’d never bite them back for a very simple reason. Baekhyun’s father is a bigshot in the criminal underworld, yet you can’t hold yourself back and just let that boy, younger than you, you notice, offend you and your father in such a way.

“Oh Sehun? Is that your name?”, you read the tag on his school jacket, loose and styled to his taste, a brand-name shirt under instead of the school’s uniform shirt. In fact, the jacket is the only sign he’s a student from this school. His hair is dyed like most of them. Sehun is very much amused, wearing his smirk.

“No”, he replies simply, “this is a name of a kid I killed during lunch”, his mild seriousness convinced a part of you and your eyes opened wide.

“You wha–”, he frowns

“Whoa, you’re really innocent, Y/n!”

“You seem to know who I am, so you know I am your senior”, you cross your arms stubbornly, “It’s not my business what you and your friends do nor that you’re out of class, I know that”, Sehun coos, grinning at you.

“Aren’t you embarrassed for having a sugar daddy?”, he asks mockingly

“No! Stop saying that!”, your voice let’s out some of your impatience to his immature behavior, “That man is my father and I don’t mind if you have no respect for your own parents by showing up in school wearing this and behaving like a delinquent. You should think of ways to make up for them instead of shaming them even further by offending others like this.”

His expression changed the second you mentioned his parents and part of you noticed, but you’re too caught up in your speech to stop yourself, too focused on defending yourself and your family’s name. Somehow you can’t seem to step back when he jumps off the car and walks threateningly towards you, eyes piercing at you as the others behind him seems rather disinterested.

“What did you just say about my parents?”

“So you can insult me and my father and I can’t talk about yours?”

“Exactly”, he hisses on your face, “Watch your mouth, class president—”

“Hey! Kiddo! Let it be!”, you couldn’t look away from the tall boy standing before you, so you didn’t know who talked with such a casual tone, almost bored, yet the boy in front of you stops, clenching his fists beside him.

Playing with the rest of his cigarette between his index finger and his thumb, Jongdae stops resting on the other car and after another drag, throws the bud on the floor with his half-open eyes trained on you, it looks as if he’s feeling sleepy at a first glance.

“Save your energy. It’s not worth it”, Sehun tilts his head and it kind of scares you enough to step back, you see Jongdae grinning as the youngster steps forward.

Baekhyun’s been paying attention the commotion laying on the backseat of his car, by looking at the rearview mirror and biting the fingertip of his thumb unamused. At this point he simply sighed tiredly, closing his eyes and scratching his forehead through the bangs of dyed red strands.

“Oh Sehun!”, he calls out and his voice is heavy with annoyance, but is firm in command.

Sehun steps aside to turn his body enough to look at his leader. You hear a groan and a rumble inside the car as Baekhyun moves lazily and ends up laying his forearms comfortably on top of the back seat, letting his chin resting on the as he glances with barely any interest to the youngest member in his group. His glance was enough to make Sehun back away from you much to his distaste.

“Class president”, your eyes meet his and you can’t avoid but notice that there’s no actual tone of respect in his voice but arrogance and disinterest instead, “Shouldn’t you be back in class right now?”

Baekhyun’s eyes didn’t share much if he’s angry or just bored. Whatever it might be, it’s puzzling how he looks at you. It makes you feel guilty and shouldn’t that be the case? For someone who likes to be fair and dreams to be a lawyer, you just attacked the person who offended you with those harsh words without really knowing anything about what you were saying.

Seeing Baekhyun before you, is much different from seeing his carefree behavior when he passes by the school corridors, looking into his eyes is much different from what you’d imagine. His relaxed and laid-back composure contrasts with this commanding, arrogant and assertive aura he has. You maintain your eyes in his until you walk away, that is, until you stopped on your tracks, gripping on the lunchbox tightly before turning around. Baekhyun went back to his previous position and the others seemed to be doing the same.

“I’m sorry, Sehun!”, Jongdae was the first to look at you with a raised eyebrow, “I’m sorry for offending you and your parents”, you spoke sincerely.

“Don’t expect me to apologize too”

“That’s not my reason.”, feeling like you already spoke too much, stayed around for too long, you walk away.

Laying down on the backseat of his adored red Porshe 718 Boxter, Baekhyun accommodates lazily himself as best as he can, using his arm as a pillow under his head after seeing that you were walking away. The unexpected sound of your apology makes him turn his head to look at the rearview mirror, he has to arrange the angle of his head to see you and even then, part of the front seat gets in his way. He goes back to his dormant-like state the moment you leave.

Jongdae chuckles and reaches down to pat Baekhyun on the shoulder as he passes by him and Baekhyun feels the car swaying when Jongdae jumps over the closed door and into the car, on the passenger seat. Many people would usually confuse Jongdae as the leader of the group, calling him Baekhyun instead, because he’s older, the oldest in the group and still wears a school uniform – well, kind of –, and that’s because he had to re-take the senior year. The red Porshe sways even more as Jongdae moves to face Baekhyun and is met with closed eyes and expression of annoyance.

“Be quiet!”, being younger doesn’t stop Baekhyun from speaking informally to Jongdae, nor the later cares about it, “it’s a car not a cradle.”

“Yet you’re sleeping in it”, with eyes still closed Baekhyun can’t see, but knows his friend all too well to hear Jongdae’s smirk in his voice and knows it’s not about the car, “My, my! Byun Baekhyun is really a man of his word. Well done!”

Baekhyun completely ignores the mocking tone in his friend’s voice and his comment all together as if he didn’t even listen in the first place. On the other side, Jongdae knew he wouldn’t get any retort for now and leans the seat back a little and that makes Baekhyun open one of his eyes to see it.

“Shit, Jongdae! Be gentle with my baby.”

Baekhyun only got from the older a careless hand waving in the air as a mild understanding as he’d expects from Jongdae.

You let your feet take you the way they know is right back to your classroom because you mind is swimming in all kind of thoughts, none of them is clear enough for you to grasp. Looking down at your shoes you don’t notice the person standing in front of you before you end up bump into.

“Y/n! Why’re you taking so much time out here?”, you look up to your homeroom teacher and stutter an apology, “The teacher in your classroom started to worry–”

Something behind you attracts his eyes and one of the corner of his lips are pulled with a raged expression.

“Ah, I see why. Wait in my office!”, his voice is suddenly filled with anger and you turn around to see Baekhyun’s group minding their own business, whatever it might be.

Baekhyun isn’t sleeping, so when Sehun speaks up he’s all ears.

“Hyung! Your class president is in trouble again”

“Leave it be. Not our problem.”

“It’s going to be”, Jongin points out

“Why?”, Baekhyun groans with annoyance

“There’s teacher is heading this way”, the boys watch you trying to stop the man walking their way.

“Wait, sir! They didn’t do anything.”

“Y/n, even if they threatened you, you shouldn’t–”

“Really, they didn’t.”, the boys didn’t really seem to mind him at all.

When your homeroom teacher looked down to your hand stopping you to get any close to reckless group, immediately you pulled your hand back and looked away with embarrassment.

“Alright. I’ll trust you”, he didn’t sound like it, though, “Let’s go back to class”

He let you walk ahead of him so you wouldn’t see when he glances at Baekhyun’s group. After you walked in the classroom you knew something was up with the teachers that talked for a while and even though you were scolded, it was nowhere near of how they’d normally do. Instead you’re called in the principal’s office during the P.E. class.

“This year is important for you, Y/n”, your homeroom teacher started first with overflowing seriousness and concern, “If you just keep doings things as you’ve done up ‘till now and focus on making sure you’ll pick the right college for you, then you don’t have to think about anything else. Make sure you don’t let any troubles get to you”

Even after you tell him twice that you understand, that you know how this year is important for you, he seem worried.

“Anything comes on”, the principal that was quiet, observing the conversation until then speaks up, “You can talk to your homeroom teacher or come right to me”

You could play dumb and say you don’t understand why a few minutes off class would cause all this fuss, but you’d be lying. If a few minutes was the case, a good scold would solve the problem, but that’s all because of those people at the parking lot. Baekhyun and his friends.

There’s nothing to talk about them, to you, everything is settled, for whatever reason Baekhyun let you off the hook and the matter ended where it began. There was no need to drag this on, the teacher said himself, it’s an important year for you let such unimportant things get in your head and bother you any more than it did back in the parking lot, but they’re the one making a big deal out of it.

The rest of the day went on normally and, as expected, Baekhyun didn’t show up once in class. Even when you walked around the school for club activities you didn’t see him and for you that’s much better. Out of sight, out of mind.

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Later that day, when you walk out of some club activity with your friend on one side and Chanyeol on the other for you and maybe for everyone else is just obvious how she’s excited about Chanyeol’s presence. It kind of surprises you how timid Chanyeol is, but you understand how others easily judge it as a superiority complex at first when he keeps himself distant, not talking much. But it’s not hard to notice, if one does pay attention, that he stutters quite a bit and stumbles on his words when talking to someone. For someone who studied overseas, that’s quite unexpected of him.

“Thanks for letting me take part of the club’s activity even if this is just my last year here too. I’ll try to help the best I can.”, you shake your head.

“You don’t need to thank me. The difficult part is training the first-year students, but by the end of this first semester we’ll be done. But–”, you look up at him, “You seemed like you know a lot about it”

“I used to play baseball in middle school. It was a little different, but it’s easy to adapt.”

You know Chanyeol must be aware of your friend fangirling about him beside you because he’s blushing and doesn’t look away from where he’s going, he’s uncomfortable, but doesn’t try walking away. The small silence grows a little uncomfortable and you talk about the first thing that comes to your mind.

“You were really good in there”, he seemed a little off-put by the sudden praise, “Will you think about what the captain asked and join the team only for the preliminaries this year? I’m sure it’d be hard, but he seem determinate to convince you after you played with them”

He reaches up to scratch the back of his head and stutters something you don’t understand, but sounding like a ‘thank you’.

“You really should try!”, you friend encourages, with eyes sparkling while staring at him, you wonder how she manages not to trip when she’s not even looking where she’s going.

He doesn’t reply, only glancing at her with a small, timid smile. The three of you walk back in the school building in a silence that goes on and you can’t think of anything else to say, in fact you’re thinking about the first class at the cram school is today and you can’t be late.

“I heard there’s one student missing in our class”, he speaks up suddenly, snapping you out of your thoughts and you take a second to understand.

“Oh, true. Byun Baekhyun.”, you watch him tuck his hands in the front pockets of his uniform pants, different than Baekhyun and his acquaintances, Chanyeol wears his uniform very neatly and the only winkles here and there are from the daily activities.

“Something happened to him?”, he asks, but quickly adds something before you could reply, “I– I mean, the teacher doesn’t seem to expect him in class. Wouldn’t I– or we– I think, do something about it?”, he looks at you and glances away every other time while he speaks.

“No, it’s– ”, you hesitate, “—a little complicated.”, you pull your shoulders close to yourself a little, remembering what happened earlier that day, “We don’t need to do anything about it. That’s up to the school to handle.”

“I see”, his look at him and maybe that’s how your friend is seeing his expression because you hear a ‘cute’ in your ear while she looks at his troubled expression.

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“He’s worrying about that loser isn’t he an angel?”, your friend whispers to you while the two of you are packing your stuff in the classroom.

Knowing how defensive she’d get over him if you spoke your mind about it and just listen to her rambling. To you, Chanyeol could be just trying to make sure of his duties, but the way he asked about it, that definitely felt a little off. However, much like everything that has to do with other’s personal issues, it’s not your business. You’re caught in surprise and your friend gasp dramatically when Chanyeol stops by the two of you, swinging his backpack over his shoulder and sliding his arm in the other strap afterwards.

“Thank you for today, Y/n.”

“You’re welcome–”

“Chanyeol! We’re all leaving now, so why don’t we all go together?”, she suggests.

“Ah, sure!”

“Great!”, her smile grow wide and her eyes sparkle as she turns to look at you, pleading silently.

“Uhm– I have to handle these papers to the teacher that watches over our club, so why don’t the two of you go ahead? I’ll meet you at the gates.”

“Well, if you say so…”

Next thing you know she’s dragging a blushing Chanyeol out of the room while other girls look envious at her. What you said is not all lies, you do have some papers to handle to the homeroom teacher, so you wait after they leave to head to the teacher’s office.

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“–and I can’t even fake a disappointment!”, you heard the voice of your homeroom teacher over-taken by irritation, “People like you don’t belong in schools but in a prison cell. What’s the use of all this? In the end you’ll be exactly what you’ve been taught to be, a lowlife gansgter.”

You should just walk ahead, this is not of your business. Not of your business, not of your— Maybe you’d follow your own advices if you didn’t recognized that ridiculous haircut with those red hair strands when you look into the homeroom teacher’s office through the window open ajar. Byun Baekhyun. Even in this kind of situation his body language is very carefree, but not as relaxed as this afternoon.

“I’m fed up with dealing with people like you because the principal is too scared to say the truth–”, you never saw your teacher with such a disgusting expression in his face, having pleasure, smiling openly while offending someone like that, you thought you’d start to feel sick any moment “–you’re all a bunch of drunken clowns. Vicious for money and other people’s suffering, I can’t even call you a person.”

Baekhyun didn’t even flinch the teacher poked him provocatively on the chest, just looked down at the spot and then back up at the man before him. The teacher snorted.

“I came to teach the future of our country in this school and end up stuck with this kind of rotting bastards around me. Calling themselves students.”, he scoffs, “We all know how you’ll end up. My advice as your homeroom teacher? Don’t expect much from life, for people like you there’s no hope. It’s the first time I look at a student and tell him he has no future to look up to in his third year. You might as well drop off and spare the school the trouble it’ll cause when you fail like that Jongdae kid–”

Suddenly, Baekhyun’s tense, but the teacher, enrolled in his speech, loses the rage in the boy’s eyes. The teacher sighs and you ignore the sudden disturbance your heart seems to be going through and how it seems to stumble on itself at the scene, not missing the way Baekhyun changes his body language and miss part of the teacher’s speech.

“–do this to yourself, to your so-called friends until they stab you in the back, it’s your lives anyway. Just leave my students alone, you understand?”, suddenly there’s a protective tone in the teacher’s voice, “Your father promised the school you wouldn’t get in the way of my students and it doesn’t matter how little your words are worth. Just make sure to keep this one promise. Stay away not only from Y/n, but everyone else. You understand me?”

“Mr. Han”, Baekhyun voice sounded clear and firm, “If you say this to my father you might really die”

You saw the homeroom teacher’s eyes waver in fear and he tried to pull himself together.

“I understand you needed to get this out of your chest. I’ll keep this a secret for your sake.”, Baekhyun continued and the teacher shifted the weight on his feet, “It doesn’t matter how little our words are worth to you, but I’ll keep my father’s promise and I’ll make sure the boys won’t get in the other student’s way. So, as a personal deal, make sure to not speak poorly about them again. Now, if you excuse me…”

Bowing his head slightly, Baekhyun turned around on his heal to leave the room, the teacher sat down behind his desk, staring blankly at his table. Baekhyun looked up and stopped in the middle of the room when his eyes met yours, you’re caught in surprised but didn’t miss the unexpected vulnerability in him. Licking his lips he looks away before walking out of the office while you stood there with too much thoughts in your head again.

By the time you meet your friend with Chanyeol at the gates as you promised, both of them were worried and you made up some lame excuse as you urge them to walk out from school.

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“Isn’t he a gentleman?”, your friend sighs as the two of you walks in the cram school building after Chanyeol leaves.

“You dragged him here”, you point it out, “he has a tutor waiting at home and probably will get scold–”

Your silly conversation with your friend and Chanyeol on your way here almost made you forget about what you saw at school and all those sickening feelings.

That ‘out of sight, out of mind’ thing doesn’t really seem to work. It’s not that you expect to see Baekhyun in class the day after, because you don’t and he doesn’t show up anyway. But, his seat, even if it’s far behind you, bothers you. That morning when your homeroom teacher appears for usual morning routine you don’t really know what to think except ‘even if he’s a teacher, he has that kind of expression too. He can speak like that very well too, like he means it’, and you don’t really want to believe the things you heard from him is what he really believes.

‘At least a chance’, you think to yourself, ‘he could try to give Baekhyun a chance, isn’t this his job?’.

And to think that he’s doing that to protect you and others student. You’re smarter than that. Needless to say that indeed you have too many things in your hands to deal with, so Baekhyun issue gets out of your head. That feeling of guilty doesn’t really goes away because every time you must go around the class to hand out or collect homework or whatever it’s needed, you see his empty, unused desk sitting at that corner and those words you heard ring in your head once again. It caused to pick up an habit, a very bad one according to others.

You’d place on Baekhyun’s desk whatever you had to distribute around the class and would pick it up when collecting afterwards and when you insisted despite the general judgement, they just started praising you for dedication, but they never mentioned Baekhyun nor his existence.

His name was less and less mentioned by others too as a student and more into rumors of him dropping off or running away, or even being transferred overseas since his father’s business as people know it seems to be successful. You also heard that Sehun kid apparently went back to just being students, although most people kept their distance from them.

Baekhyun name didn’t seem to stick much as time went on and you really started to believe he wasn’t there anymore not because the homeroom teacher didn’t call out his name in class during the morning routine because it’s something he never did but because you found yourself trying to see Baekhyun at places where he could possibly go.

No, you didn’t went around looking for him, but without realizing you started taking the oddest chores to go to the oddest places where people would usually say ‘be careful there’, whenever you went just because you might see him and why? You really can’t see to figure this one out. There’s nothing you want to say to him, but maybe you should apologize. Wouldn’t this be the right thing to do?

You know fairly well you should be afraid of him like everyone else, but it downs on you a simple thing. Despite what the homeroom teacher said, what everyone says, he’s just a person and be pushed away like that from everywhere… What does this turn into in a person’s heart? At least you should do the right thing. It might worth nothing, but it is still something.

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School from eight to seven, club activity takes about one hour and a half normally, but training the juniors take more time, luckily all the members share the work nicely and cooperate, so you don’t need to rush too much and fuss about this and adding your job as class president. Putting all of it together, you only leave school somewhere around nine and twenty-something. That gives you enough time to walk to cram school, never with your heart at ease, because there’s always something left to do the day after that worries you, luckily enough your friend presence relieves part of this stress.

It’s good for you that you have her around to talk about everything but duties and studies and school every now and then, her worries mirror yours many times. It’s recomforting. Chanyeol too, after seeing a little past his timid self and talking to him more openly, like a friend, when he insisted to accompany you and your friend to cram school – and always be late for his tutoring season–, you ended up knowing him better, confirming he’s far from being self-centered and egoistic as some people thought, but definitely also pretty far from the picture perfect your friend paints him as all the time. He never brought up the Baekhyun topic anymore, but he picked up your habit.

Chanyeol is righteous and despite being timid he’s not afraid to stand up to what he believes to be the right thing. He’s also a very throughout person with everything he attempts to do, he’s a very reliable friend and likes to help when he gets the chance. There would be a lot more that you’d learn about him seeing that the friendship was going nice and easy, but then his group of admires grew an awful lot after the club finally convinced him to play the preliminaries with them.

Boys and girls came to look at him play, his first disliked character was disposed of quickly enough. Those students who even barged in during practice and sat quietly at the benches to watch, the girls who were constantly following him everywhere. They all looked up to him for his looks, his quietness that made him a little mysterious to some people’s eyes, for his abilities and achievements.

The overly starstruck group of admirers started to get a little too much for him to handle, following him everywhere, including following behind when he walked you and your friend to cram school, so it didn’t surprise you he tried to avoid it by stopping doing that. From then on, he barely even talked to anyone unless it was needed and this including you and your friend, whom was the most upset by this sudden change. She could go on forever about how unfair it is and doesn’t lose a chance to stick around Chanyeol. You notice how all this attention on him suffocates him, but if you were to intrude and say something on his favor, it’d only cause more trouble. So, for all it’s worth, it surprises you when, later that day, you meet Chanyeol at the school’s gate.

“Chanyeol! Why are you still here?”

“I was waiting for you. I heard you saying you’d go alone today, isn’t it dangerous?”

“How about your tutor?”

“I called home and said I’d be late today, don’t worry. C’mon, if you’re late at cram school then you’ll be in trouble.”

For some time the two of you walk silently side by side. Chanyeol insists until you let him carry your backpack for you, but that’s about all the two of you talk.

“Y/n, can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“Well, I don’t mean to sound rude or something—”, he hurries to say.

“Don’t worry about it”

“Why do you leave the tests and schoolwork on Baekhyun’s desk?”, the sound hesitant is wrapped all over his question, but Baekhyun’s name comes out very naturally.

“Uhm… I just—”, you shrug, not really knowing what to answer, “It’s nothing. I just think I should just place it there, so the count can be exact and, I mean—you do it too, right?”

“Ah, yeah, yeah. That’s what I thought—”, his hurried speech is cut short when he looks away, you frown when his eyes open wide and the color is drained from his face, “Oh!”

“Wh–”

You’re surprised by his arms pulling you against his chest and dragging you along with him and next thing you know, you have your face buried in his chest and your back against the wall with your eyes tightly closed.

“Are you okay?”, his whispers worriedly and his breath brushes your hair.

Your heart does a backflip all the way up your throat when you look up to see that he’s way closer than what you initially thought, his arms still holding you against him, the way he looks at you reminds you of a scared puppy. You try to say something, but your mind goes blank as you feel your face heating up and it only gets worse when you see his face all tinted in bright red so closed to yours. Chanyeol’s suddenly all too conscious of his position.

“I’m s–”, you gulp down with eyes wide open when his lips hovers over yours, but because he’s tall there was still quite some distance between the two of you, “I’m sorry– I’m sorry”, he stumbles when steps back, “Are you okay? It was the– the–”, he clears his throat before pointing the way both of you came from, with a glance you see people being chased by police officers. You look back at Chanyeol.

“I’m fine.”, you manage to say trying to look at him, without much success, “Thank you”

You manage to see him pull down the tie of his uniform as if suddenly it was pulled too tight around his neck.

“We– We should–”, he manners his hand to the way to the cram school

“Yeah”

And again, there’s a silence between the two of you. The wind is suddenly too cold against your skin.

The next morning when Chanyeol passes by you he simply mutters a shy and quick ‘good morning’ under his breath, too interested in his own shoes and from then on, he keeps avoiding you in a very clumsy way, getting himself in the oddest situation and you find yourself chuckling a couple of times. You want to tell him he shouldn’t be like that, to forget about it, but he just doesn’t give you a single chance to do so. When you finally has a chance to tell him during the club activities, someone appears and scares him to death and away from you. It’s quite frustrating. ‘Perhaps with some time’, you think to yourself when you look at him and the moment you seem him looking at you he looks like a deer caught in the headlights.


	2. Chapter 2

“Let’s wrap up for today!”, the cram school teacher speaks up, “Don’t forget to review this when you get home, after dinner. Don’t just go to sleep!”

All you can think is ‘finally’, you could just drop and sleep the weekend away right there in your desk, then wake up Monday morning with your body aching from pain, but still think it was worthy.

“They’d probably think you’re dead”, you friend tells you when you confess your secret plans to her, “Anyway, why don’t we go somewhere today? I swear if I just go home and study again I might go insane.”

“Me too. Me too”, you sight tiredly at the thought, “But, where should we go?”, the two of you are welcomed by the late night’s wind once you step out of building and she looks around.

“How about some pizza? I’m craving for pizza.”, you wrap your arm on hers and smile

“You said the magic word”, you dramatize a little and she laughs

“What should we get?”

“Let’s go all the way and get a premium as a reward. Since we work so hard!”, the two of you smile and she laces her arms tightly around you as well.

It’s nice, talking about whatever and laughing easily about something other than studies. It’s almost halfway through the first semester and you’re wondering how you’re supposed to handle what’s yet to come. It feels like the days flew by and now you just can’t believe May is around the corner.

After May, June and then July and then the end of the first semester, also the end of his duties with the club and all and there’s yet a few things you have to patch together and wrap up in the school club before leaving, you promised you’d be on the lookout, but you’ll also have to study harder for college entrance exams and there won’t be enough time to dedicate to the club. The other third years students will be retiring by that time too, the new captain and everyone would only be together again when the new captain will be chosen, right before the party that would celebrate all of it.

You’re the one who has to arrange the party and everything has to be on the club’s budget without touching the money for travel and living expenses for summer training camp or for the possibilities of them passing on the preliminaries in which Chanyeol will take part on. The other members are already complaining about what would they do if they pass the preliminaries. With Chanyeol, the captain and some other third year, the team counts with three aces, you sure they’ll make it, that’s not the issue, the problem is how will they handle the actual championship after that, without them.

Telling they would have a good team even without the ace is practically useless after they start bickering about whatever comes up and get all depressed about it again, so you just leave it at the captain and the coach to cheer them up at those times. Cram school only gets harder and harder by the day, the subjects are not the problem, you study ahead of time whatever you can and compliment when you can and makes sure to study before sleep, but still it’s stressing and tiring.

So, for a couple of hours you don’t think about any of that and allow yourself to have fun with your friend as both you are used to, not minding that you’re still wearing the school’s uniform or that you’re running late for self-study, you don’t even dare to think about the aftermath and it’s worth it. All the stress relieved with a small walk to the restaurant, the pizza and the cheerful ambient makes the mood brighter even though some people look sideways to you and your friend when the two of you end up walking in a karaoke place afterwards and it makes the night all the better.

You don’t see time passing until your phone ring and your mother is concern and angry at the same time while talking to you, but even with how the night ends for the two of you, you leave feeling much better, you could even study a bit before going to bed.

“See you tomorrow!”

“Good luck at home!”, you wave as she runs when the two of you part ways at the usual spot.

You turn to your own way, not really feeling like running to get home early. One of the advantages of living in a place since childhood is knowing all the useful shortcuts and gaining yourself some time whenever you needed to. As in now, for example, you could cut your time by half if you take certain path instead of the usual and that’s exactly what you do.

You don’t really mind the empty construction site, dark and silent, but that’s just normal given the time, on the other side of the street there are quite a few inhabited houses, but you’re used to pass by here, so you know it’s safe. You can already see the corner you’ll turn to get at the street the building you live in is. When the quiet neighborhood slowly is filled with the sound of voices and some other sounds you can’t really make out, you stop and look around, but everything looks the same, the sounds doesn’t really seem to come from anywhere in particular so you looked at the empty house you’re just walking by, that couldn’t really be a ghost, right?

The sounds stop for a moment, but the laughter you hear sends chills down your spine, deciding to just go on your way, taking large steps, walking faster. A scandalously loud horn echoes through the neighborhood and makes you jump, your eyes shot everywhere, someone’s loud voice sounds like a command, but you can’t make out the words properly. You know that whatever it is, you just don’t want to get involved, so you’re glad that soon enough you reach that place that’d lead you practically straight home and even knowing you’ll get scolded for staying out ‘till so late, suddenly Dorothy’s well-known quote is your mantra: “There’s no place like home”.

As soon as you reach that alley, you can practically see the building you live in surrounded by a golden halo calling you in, your heart is running one mile per second, the food in your stomach seems to revolve and is about to come all the way up, so you gulp down. By the way you’re hurrying your steps you could reach the building in a few seconds if you’d just didn’t recognize that red Porshe parked suspiciously in the middle of the construction site, the roof was stowed as usual but there was no one inside. You heard what seemed like a groan of pain and walked closer, pretty much questioning your own sanity.

Maybe you’ve done the right thing, just walking away and calling the police if you just didn’t recognize the person being beating up to a pulp under the headlights of those expensive black cars that semi surrounded him, but that ridiculous haircut with those stupid red hair strands.

“Hey, hey! Stop! Stop for a moment”

The man standing back commands and the others stop assaulting Baekhyun, the last one still hits the boy with a sharp kick on his chest and the man walks over to him, throwing the unfinished cigarette on the way to hit him with a punch to his face, the man, obviously older than his boss, is sent to the ground spitting blood.

“Stand up, bastard! When I tell you to stop, you stop. If I tell you to hit, then hit like you mean it, understand?”

“Yes, boss”, the man forces himself to stand up, his voice saturated with pain as he massages where he’s been hit and bows repeatedly, “I’m sorry, boss”

“What are you doing? If you’re hurt stay down like this piece of shit right… here”, the man starts poking Baekhyun’s who’s laying on the ground, trying to blink the sweat and the blood from his eyes.

With his clothes torn, ripped and ragged, tainted with sweat and blood, Baekhyun clenches his jaw, ignoring the dreadful pain from his maxilla as well as every other part of his body. When he spits, the dirt that sticks to his body and clothes, his saliva is crimson red and the aftertaste of blood lingers vividly on his tongue. He glances up to the man pushing him against the ground with the heels of his foot, turning him to lay on his back and he knows his beaten up self looks ten times pitiful like this, but his pride forces him to stare threateningly at the other.

“How do you even dare staring at me like this, doggy?”

The man chuckle bitterly, reaching out his hand, one of his men lights a new cigarette and places between his fingers, he takes a lungful before blowing the smoke on Baekhyun face, causing the boy to cough and look away to avoid.

“People like us has to take a beating at least once in their lives, little brother. It might hurt now, but you’ll understand just how good it feels later on”, the man’s distasteful laughter fills the air, “Boys, hold ‘im up!”, the man stands up and walks a few steps back while his men does as he ordered despite Baekhyun’s struggles.

Baekhyun’s barely pulled up and you close your eyes when you see it coming, so you don’t see that man striking a punch on his stomach. The only reason why Baekhyun doesn’t double over himself from the pain is because those men are still holding him up. The sounds of the beating makes your heart ache, no one should be treated like this. Maybe you should really call the police.

The man is breathless after a few punches and pants a little when he stops, walking away back and forth in front of Baekhyun and though he’s almost doubled in pain and spiting blood, he looks up, glaring at the other.

“That’s all you can do, right? That’s all you know. Staring at people like you mean something.”, the sharp sound of the man slapping across Baekhyun’s face crosses the air and you feel like it was on you, “Everyone knows you’re all talk and no game. You and your monkeys playing around like you’re some big shot. Where are they now, huh?”, the man sounds really upset as you try your best to fumble in your backpack to get your phone, “Do you think dad can clean your shitty mess forever? I’m sure he’s fed up with you as much as I am. Fuck! Your hair is ridiculous!”, you don’t see when the man holds Baekhyun’s hair, pulling his head back to stare him in the eyes because Baekhyun himself is much too tired to raise his head alone, “Why did the old man took you in? You should be better off dead, you mom should really have a rope around his neck or some shit and since we’re family I’m taking easy on you, little brother. But, you see–”

The man kicks Baekhyun’s leg and the sound makes you wince even though Baekhyun himself is silent. Your tears fall on the screen of your cellphone, the panic is taking over you and your sweaty hands tremble uncontrollably, your phone almost slips more than once. It’s hard to tap just those three numbers.

“—you’re really pushing it and I’m fucking sick.”, he kicks it again and you’re about to press ‘call’, Baekhyun stumbles back and the men holding him up let him fall on his knees.

A hand snatches your phone from your hand and your gasp is muffled by the same person, pressing their free hand firmly pressed against your mouth. Your heart pounds like crazy in your chest, your eyes grow two sizes and tears roll down your face effortlessly and it takes you a moment to recognize Jongdae, signaling for you to keep quiet as he shoves your phone in his pocket. You look past him to see other boys, dressed as they please including school uniforms, not only from the same school, holding iron pipes and baseball bats, some of them empty handed but visibly prepared for a fierce fight. You force yourself to nod.

Jongdae signs silently and the boys spreads themselves around the oblivious men that are still assaulting Baekhyun. Of course, those men don’t expect the sudden take over, Jongdae immediately runs to protect Baekhyun but is assaulted and Baekhyun’s too weak to defend himself. You’re not quite sure if you should do anything, maybe this is where you should just go home instead of getting involved. This could get you in serious trouble.

Holding your backpack tightly you take large steps away from the mess highlighted by the cars. You can walk away if you want, that has nothing to do with you. It’s family business, underworld business. Isn’t your father always complaining about these kinds of people and they’re tricks on court? What they are capable of? You should just leave, you really do your best by just leaving. But why are running towards the red Porshe in the middle of this mess?

You saw Jongdae managing to push Baekhyun in the car, but he’s taken over by the men assaulting him while trying to get to Baekhyun. While running to the car your backpack stays where you drop it and you don’t mind as you run to the car, Baekhyun looks as if is going to pass out anytime. You take the front seat and you can see the surprised expression that momentarily make him forget the pain.

“Wh–What are you–?”, you can barely hear his weak voice.

“The key!”, somehow you manage to control your trembling voice.

“M– My–”, his eyes seem to unfocused while he tries to speak.

Trying to maintain himself conscious, he tries to reach the pocket of his jacket just when a man appears with an iron pipe to hit him and you don’t understand what has gotten into you to cover him with your body, placing your arms protectively around his head and closing your eyes tightly. You ears ring while you’re expecting the hit, but nothing comes.

“Hey! Class president, are you okay?”, you hear Jongdae’s voice and slowly, trembling, you look up.

“Y—Yes–”, Jongdae cracks you a smirk tainted with blood.

“Good”, you gasp when Jongdae turn around just in time to hit someone who’s coming behind him, “Can you take him away? Somewhere safe? I’ll be busy for a while.”

“S-Sure”, wrapping Baekhyun safely with a seatbelt, you mutter an apology while picking the key from Baekhyun’s jacket and taking the driver’s seat again.

You do feel bad for leaving Jongdae back and you can see Baekhyun trying to look as well, but you simply drive off. There’s just one place you can think he might be safe and it might not the best idea, but he needs a doctor. You feel his hand almost faintly touch your arm and you glance quickly at him, too nervous to look somewhere else and cause an accident.

“Where–”, he coughs and gulps down with a groan, his voice still weal, “Where are you going?”

“To a hospital, you need a doctor.”

“No!”, he mutters, “Not a hospital.”, it’s almost a whine.

“Baekhyun, you’re really hurt!”

“Not– not a hospital.”

You sigh and bites your lips trying to turn the car into a narrow street. He needs some kind of treatment, so you stop by a familiar building and turns off the engine before looking at him.

“I– I know you don’t want a hospital, but– you’re really in bad shape and need some kind of treatment–”

“Where’s this?”

“It’s a community nursery home. Mom and I work here as volunteers.”, your voice is still unstable, but you try to hold back the best you can.

“Just take me home”, it’s sounds like a plea, but you ignore, stepping out of the car to help him do the same and he knows if he struggles it’d only hurt more.

Baekhyun lets you take him in. You apologize out loud for taking that extra key from that crack on the wall and sneaking in, knowing that’s just for extreme emergency and you try to convince yourself this is one sort of emergency. You don’t wait for all the lights to turn on to take Baekhyun in, kicking the door close behind you.

You manage to take him to one of the rooms, helping him lay on the bed, he insists seating up even though it obviously hurts and you let him, making sure to fix the bed and pillows for his comfort as you’ve learn before. Carefully you take the materials you need, oblivious to Baekhyun’s gaze on you. You place the tray with everything you think you might need on the bedside table and Baekhyun follows every single movement you do. He doesn’t try to pretend otherwise when you look at him and he finds your eyes immediately.

“I’ll just treat what I can, but you’ll need to see a doctor soon to make sure you’re alright”, he doesn’t reply, doesn’t even attempts to, “E– excuse me”

Baekhyun lets you treat him and you try to put to work everything you’ve learned so far about treating injuries, you try a few techniques you read about finding spots of internal bleeding and such. In short, you do what you can to make sure he’s alright, but even so there isn’t much you can do at your position to help him. When you help him take off his jacket and shirt, luckily you’re too focused to blush, but can’t avoid noticing the tattoos scattered on his body that has little to no meaning for you. You also help him putting those on soon, leaving the small cuts on his hands to the end.

“Why’re you doing this?”, you look up and blink, you’ve been too focused to listen to him.

“What?”

“Class president…”, he pulls back the hand you’re treating and sits up, holding back the pain, “Why’re you helping me?”, his eyes looks for something in yours coldly.

You place the material you’ve been working with back on the tray still on the bedside table and your hands on your lap before looking up at him again and Baekhyun hasn’t moved at all.

“I wanted to thank you for… letting me off the hook that day”

“That wasn’t for you”

“I know–”, ashamed you look at your hands, “I heard what the professor said. About–”, you lick your lips, “—about the deal with your father and the principal—”

“You shouldn’t go around saying something like that, class president”

“I know”, you look up at him, “And I know you’re not the monster half the people picture you, but you’re not the loser the other half try to see you as either”

“Who told you that?”

“I just know.”, you stop abruptly trying to hold your words back, “I wish everyone could see it too.”

You make a pause, looking up at him with determination and the words you’ve never really thought about just slips out of your mouth, as if you’re just understanding it all, understanding yourself and your reasons to keep yourself so held back on the thought of Baekhyun, you don’t know how can you tell him that when you really don’t know him, but looking in his eyes like you are now, it feels like you’ve know him before, like you’ve known him your whole life.Your body is shaking when you stand up, shifting the weight on your feet a little and his eyes follows you.

“Where you come from, what you are right now. These things don’t define you, they don’t define your future and you shouldn’t let people say this to you. You’re much better than someone who has to take their own frustrations and you let them just because you understand how they feel! You let them take it all on you!”, for once you stop to take a breath and his eyes wavers on yours, but his façade is just the same, but there’s something different about the way he looks at you, “You too. You should see yourself like this and not like they see you, Baekhyun”

You can see the rage in his eyes and so many other things that you can’t put your finger on it. You don’t know why you said all that, you truly meant what you said, but you’re anywhere eligible to say any of that to him. However, despite all the anger he has stored for you, you’re stupid enough to not be afraid. You believe in what you say, so you’re not afraid of him.

Supporting himself with his bandaged hand on the hospital bed behind him, Baekhyun reaches up towards you with his half-treated hand and his fingers slide surprisingly softly against your cheek to the back of your neck. He doesn’t look away and neither does you, it feels like dealing with a wild animal looking for trust and maybe you shouldn’t let him, but you want him to, so you let him pull your lips against him and despite the sudden move, his lips move sweetly against yours. You try being careful with the cut on his lip, your gentle manners and carefulness draw a content sigh out of him, he wants more of it. He wants more of you. Baekhyun pulls back just enough to allow himself to gain balance without his bandaged hand just so he reach for you and wrap itself around your waist pulling you to stand between his leg and lean against him.

“Wait, you’re hurt. Can’t you just lean on me instead?”, the realization of your words slowly downs on you and you open eyes to meet his already looking at you.

“Would you really want this? Do you know what’d mean for you?”, and just like this your words hold a completely new meaning.

“Yes”, he lets out something that sounds like a scoff, but doesn’t sound mean as he places both hands on your waist.

“Class president”, he starts with a half smile as he laces both arms around you, “Take good care of me from now on”, his words made you smile and bite your lip to hold back a laughter, “Our class president is really adorable, all flustered like this”

You wanted to say something, but his lips are brushing against yours again, this time you’re the one who starts the kiss. When your hands cup his cheeks he doesn’t mind about the burn on the cuts scattered here and there because your touch is so soft against his skin and he doesn’t know if that or your lips on his are better, but the combination really is stirring something. His heart skips a beat and stupidly stumbles on itself again and again. For some reason Baekhyun feels like he made you up, so he takes one of your hands in his and holds it tightly.

You’re careful and gentle with him as if he really deserves it, you kiss him so sweetly it makes him feel dizzy. Maybe that’s an aftereffect of the kicks and punches he got on the head that’s causing him to feel so weak, vulnerable, better yet, intoxicated by you, that’s the best description he could give to this, whatever it is. Baekhyun lets himself get dragged and lost in whatever this is, the feeling of getting involved by you. For the first time he doesn’t feel nervous and doesn’t panic in a place like this because despite the alcohol and all the usual smells the community nursing home has similar to hospitals, Baekhyun can only feel you everywhere around him.

The bitter taste of the medicine on the cut on his lip mixes with the saltiness of his sweat and the texture of his skin makes you want to hold closer, but you remind yourself that he’s hurt, you don’t mind the blood taste on his tongue either. It surprises the way he holds your hand and his thumb drawing circles on your wrist. He treats much different you could imagine not that you really thought about a situation like this with him, but, still…

Baekhyun pulls back and tries pulling you a little closer before leaning himself against you, hiding his face on your shoulder. He can feel your pulse as fast as his, this unusual warmth in his chest is so foreign, but he can tell it’s something good and let himself be taken by it. Hesitantly, you wrap your free arm around him and hide your face in his hair. Someone like him can’t be good for you, for all you’re struggling to get, everyone would probably say so, but that’s only because they only see what they want.

The silence that follows is just what the two of you need, his hand doesn’t let go of yours, his arm is gentle around your waist and his breathing fans on your skin. It all makes you feel at ease, but nothing closer to how Baekhyun feels, this the first time he ever felt like this and he doesn’t want to let go and feel anxious and have all those unsettling feelings eating him inside out again. No one ever held him with genuine care nor told him anything good with so much honesty dripping from every word, he never felt he’s really worth anything to anyone and he wants to believe you. He really wants you to be right, because if he ever had a different choice he’d take.

“Baekhyun”

He’s starting to really like how his name sounds when you say it, but he can’t avoid the way his body tenses a little when it happens and not only because of that but you probably realized the mistake you made, he should pull back, but he doesn’t want to. He’s a stubborn prick, so he’ll stay like this until you push him away, it was good to have a taste of something so good at least once, especially when he knows he could spend the rest of his life without even knowing something like this really exist, even as an illusion. You don’t notice how his fingers are so tempted to hold on the jacket of your uniform, he flexes his fingers, controlling himself by curling his hands into a first.

“Baekhyun”, you voice is muffled by his hair, “Tomorrow I’ll talk to our homeroom teacher and ask him to let you come back to class–”

The relief that comes with your words washes his worries away and his lips are pulled in a smirk, it’s almost unbelievable this is happening with him. He swears you’d push him away or mock him for being so weak, those other girls, they’d do it.

“You don’t need to do this”, he feels when your hand presses against his arm through his shirt. Slowly he pulls back and looks up at you, “Leave it up to me. I’ll take care of it”, he makes a small pause, “Don’t worry”, he says when you frown, “I’m good with dealing with things like this. It’s better for you if people don’t connect you with me.”

“I said I’d help you”, he gives you a half smile.

“You are! At school or when you’re around people we know– just act like before”

“I don’t mind people saying things about me. I mean what I said before.”

“I know. I’ll count on you, but still–”, he hesitates, “Don’t let them know”, the way he looks at you is different now, he raises his hand still holding yours to pitch your cheek very lightly, “Promise me we won’t let them know and let it ruin you. It’s our deal.”

“Baekhyun–”

“Saying my name won’t help”, you really like this smile of his, but you don’t understand that he feels the same about the way you speak his name.

“Then, tomorrow– Will you come to school tomorrow?”, he nods again

“Don’t expect much from me”, he warns you half-heartedly.

“Don’t– look down on yourself”, you can feel your face heating up and Baekhyun reaches up to pitch your cheeks again with a small half-smile, before leaning up to kiss you again.

‘This is really, really good’, Baekhyun thinks to himself as lets you kiss him the way you want, enjoying your sweetness that is not too much and carefulness that is not overwhelming. It’s all just what he needs.

You keep biting your lips on your way home, touching them with your fingertips. This tingling sensation, it’s like your first kiss. Only when you’re standing on the door to your apartment you realize that you don’t have your backpack with you, you left back there at the construction site. You look down on yourself and try arranging your uniform better, you know it doesn’t make too much of a difference, but it’s one thing less to worry about, if only your mother didn’t have such sharp senses for blood stains and hospital smells… Why does these numbers are so noisy? Why does the door have to let them know when you walk in?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic was supposed to be only a one-shot based on a request out of a drabble game @tumblr, but I got carried away with it. I'm doing a back-up of all my fics and drabbles from tumblr and whatever I post there I'll keep updated here as well.
> 
> Excuse my poor editing, I am _really_ bad when it comes to edit my own work. 
> 
> Find me [@fictionalarsonist](fictionalarsonist.tumblr.com). Feedback is appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

You wake up the next morning with a minor heart-attack from your phone’s alarm, too tired and sleepy to care about anything but going back to sleep. You can’t bring yourself to care about much in this state, but slowly, memories from the night before start to slide you to consciousness and you remember Baekhyun, he said he’d be there.

That morning you choose to take a cold shower otherwise you’d just sleep in the bathroom. You don’t really have time for breakfast, but your mom makes you sit and eat something. You don’t want to accept your dad’s offer to drive you to school, but, let’s face it, you’re late and even your shortcuts can’t save you today.

“Y/n! Thank God you’re here!”, your friend said, meeting you at the school hall while looking slightly desperate “Why’re you so late? The class is all waiting for you~”

“Why? It’s not that late!”

“It’s not that~”, she whines, “It’s a real problem, everyone’s worried.”

“Why?”

“You can’t guess who came for class tod–”

“Baekhyun!”, you hear her asking how do you know as you rush your steps, but you don’t reply.

You push past the crowd of students trying to get a hold of you, only stopping when you reach your classroom’s door. You took a firm grip on the handle and slid the door open, revealing that he really was in class. Baekhyun really came! You take a deep breath when he glances at you, only for a second, before looking away, keeping his cold and arrogant façade. You blink once, twice, but he’s still there, completely ignoring the fact that you’re staring at him so openly. He won’t really talk to you, will he? It’d be so much easier if he let you talk to him and make a lesser tense ambient in the class.

Most of the students are waiting for you outside and you need to tell them something, they’re waiting for you to complain with the homeroom teacher or something. You glance at the clock on the classroom wall, the homeroom teacher is running late. Baekhyun’s attitude is still quite individual, matching his arrogant and laid-back expression. However, this time he’s following most the school’s dress code, although still has that unique haircut with red strands.

“What’s going on?”, you hear someone asking from somewhere behind you and you force yourself to look away from Baekhyun, only to turn and meet Chanyeol hovering over you. He seems to regrets when he meets you face to face, a little closer than he’d want, so he steps away immediately, “uhm– Good morning”

“Good morning”

“Y/n, shouldn’t you go talk to the homeroom teacher or something?”, someone asks

“Baekhyun is a student like us”, you talk as Chanyeol moves past you to peak with ease through the windows. They’re out of reach from most of people even when they tiptoe to reach it unless they’re as tall as him, “He has the right to watch classes. I don’t think we should do anything against that”

“I agree”, Chanyeol speaks up as he turns to face the students too, standing beside you, “We have no reason to go against him”

“Yet!” someone points out and you sigh, frustrated with people’s prejudice. However, it’s Chanyeol who speaks up first this time and surprises you with the easy way he seems to be free of the pre-judgement that holds back everyone else.

“We should just give him this chance, at least”

“Yeah, we know you two are trying to be fair and all,” someone said, voice holding little patience. The person was patched and held down, likely as prevention to stop a commotion before it started, “But it’s Baekhyun we’re talking about here”, the person scoffs bitterly, “No one but Byun Baekhyun himself! This person– Chanyeol might be new, but Y/n, you know, he’s bad news, right? If he ruins this year for us–” Everyone nods, expressing their agreement.

“Honestly,” Chanyeol speaks up again before you could, “I agree with Y/n. I don’t know why he’s here, but let’s just let him stay. We can ignore him and focus on ourselves instead and keep doing things as we’ve been doing so far–”

“If, by any chance, anything comes up I, personally, will talk to the homeroom teacher and ask for something to be done about it.” You add, “I’ll go straight to the school’s headboard if we need, but let’s not forget, this is a decisive year for him as well. If we don’t let this resistance bother us, then we can focus.”

“What are you all doing all here?” Came the angered voice of the homeroom teacher, startling everyone. “Get in, everyone!,” he ordered, causing the students to immediately disperse after jolting, surprised by the teacher’s harshness, “–as if I don’t have enough headache for today”, you hear him mumble under his breath somewhere behind you.

His eyes roam around the room and you can see the sharp glare he directs to the back of the class. You know exactly where even though you don’t turn to look, he dispenses the morning greeting when you try to start it.

“Y/n! You father said you forgot this at home.”, he places your backpack on your desk, “Be more careful with your belongings”

You try not to seem surprised as you look at your backpack and you’re not sure if he knows anything about the truth or not, but he sounds as always when talking to you despite still looking angry. Apparently, he’s reserving all his rage to Baekhyun only. You stand up, taking the backpack and bow slightly at him, muttering your thanks.

“It’s inconvenient when the homeroom teacher is late, but let’s focus on working hard as always”, he said, words clearly ambiguous and everyone is smart enough to pick up on it.and everyone is smart enough to catch on it, “I don’t want any my precious students concerned about setbacks or anything frivolous. Also, we’re almost getting in the middle of our first semester, we’ve come a long way already. Don’t let yourself get distracted, I’m always in my office if something get in your way. Don’t bother your class president nor the vice president too much, alright?”

You didn’t hear Baekhyun’s voice when the class spoke a ‘yes, professor’ in unison and you busy yourself, taking your notebook out of your backpack. The other teachers are much too uncomfortable with Baekhyun and you can’t just glance at him, but you have your chance when a teacher asks you to help her distribute something. That is until she glances at Baekhyun and suddenly changes her mind.

“Y/n, can you please do a roll call for me?”

Standing in front of the class, your eyes wander smoothly to Baekhyun every once in a while. You see when the teacher even hesitates to hand a paper to Baekhyun, not even looking at him. He doesn’t seem to mind it either, and by the time she moves to the next roll, Baekhyun’s reading through the paper, playing with a pen between his fingers.

“Byun Baekhyun!”, you call out and he looks up raising his pen nonchalantly.

His eyes linger on yours for just a moment, less than you’d want, but more than enough to make sure it’s not casual. Well, to you, at least, before he goes back to paying his attention to the paper. You are conscious this is partially your fault, but what did you expect at first? Of course, they wouldn’t just take Baekhyun in, not with all the prejudice they have stored for him. Chanyeol seems to be the one thinking differently and siding with you, you are thankful, but that doesn’t change the others minds and you don’t really expect for that to happen any time soon. Although, you do hope for this to happen in a near future.

You expect for him to at least pass by you when the break is announced, so you naturally just sit there, kind of waiting for him to pass by you and hopefully, give you some kind of sight. Speak to you in some sort of way, even if you know this is less probable, but still. When the classroom is almost empty you turn to look and Baekhyun’s not even there anymore.

“Y/n! Let’s eat together!”, your friend said, making you jolt from shock at the sudden appearance.

“Uhm– I didn’t bring anything today”, you remember

“It’s okay. We can share– Hey! Your phone’s ringing, probably someone brought your lunch”

Without really listening what your friend says you dip your hands in your backpack and, yes that’s your phone, but you don’t recognize the number who sends you a message.

Let’s have lunch together.  
Meet me at the abandoned section, at the third floor. 

“You should go ahead and start eating without me”, you tell her as you zip your backpack close and leave.

Obviously, he’d pick a place like this. But wait, what was that you heard about a ghost living there? Why there of all places? You make double sure no one’s coming when you make your way upstairs, trying to not be suspicious on your way there. The empty hall definitely looks something taken from the Whispering Corridors franchise, it’s quite nerve wrecking, really. But you do your best to not think about a ghastly imagine swirling on the corners of your eyes.

The sound of a heavy and rusty door opening makes you lightheaded and you freeze before shifting on your feet back and forth, snapping your eyes to the floor just in case of something… unexpected. Out of panic you reach for the nearest door knob and try desperately to open it, refusing to acknowledge that it’s tightly locked. The faint echo of shoes in the empty hall is deafening to your panicked state. As you glance to the side you see someone approaching and it only makes you more desperate.

You freeze, holding the doorknob for dear life. The steps echo around you and stop right next to you, so you gather all your courage to look up. Whatever you expect, certainly it wasn’t Baekhyun with his laid-back attitude only very slightly broken by a quick frown and hands shoved in the pockets of his uniform pants. You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until then, when you breath out all of it at once through your mouth.

“Are you okay?”, he asked, tilting his head in hesitant concern.

“Thank God it’s you!”, you say with relief.

Baekhyun opens his mouth to say something, frowning slightly again and shifting the weight on his feet looking around. The small, confused action he does is accidental, but you find it adorable nevertheless.

“Were you expecting someone else?”, he looks at you sideways and you certainly never saw that playful glint in his eyes.

“Not– really”, you smile a little embarrassed, “I heard something about a ghost–” You said, hearing him chuckle at your statement.

“Don’t worry. I’ve been here enough to know there’s no ghosts” he said, making you realize how much you like when he smiles.

“Come on, the lunch break will be over soon” 

Thoughtlessly he takes your hand from the doorknob in his, intertwining his fingers with yours and pulling you to walk along with him much like the day before. Baekhyun holds the heavy iron door for you and let’s it close by itself while you walk side by side, a smile playing on his lips again. 

“I’d never thought you believe in ghosts, class president.” His words weren’t meant in a harsh way, rather they took on a playful tone that made it feel like comfortable banter.

The sun comes from the windows along the corridor and the patterns are really like something out of a slice-of-life anime. Yours and his footsteps echoes through the air but you don’t find it scary like before.

“It’s not ghosts that I’m afraid of, but— something like a bad spirit?”, that’s better than saying you’re just an scaredy-cat with a vivid imagination for these sort of thing.

“Don’t worry. Pretty sure you won’t see any of these. Oh, here–”

Baekhyun opens a door for what looks like an old art’s classroom, all the materials seem to be here mostly covered by transparent plastic, some by a white cloth that trembles with the wind that comes in through the open door on the other side, the rest is exposed, gathering dust. What really calls your attention is the open door practically across from you and he take you across the room, towards there.

“Oh! Wow!”, you said, rushing to the balcony just because the smell of flowers and the sight of green is much too endearing and beautiful to hold yourself back, “Wow!”

Baekhyun watches you run to the balcony and lets your fingers slip from his, standing back. To him seeing you so fascinated like this is enough. His hand goes back inside his pocket, looking at you right now is like seeing a kid in a candy store.

“This place is just–”, you look back at him, “How did you find this place? It’s beautiful!”

“That’s from the gardening club.”, he points at the garden area you fell in love with.

“Oh!”, you glance to the other side and you see part of the baseball field, there are some students, so you step back.

“Don’t worry, they can’t see you from there.” You’re about to say something, but your stomach finds its cue to roar, making you blush and Baekhyun chuckle, “C’mon. You should eat something before class starts again.”

Then the realization sinks in.

“I– forgot my lunch today.”

“So I saw”, he half smiles, “Don’t worry I have enough”

You sit beside him, resting your back against the short wall as he opens his lunchbox and you’re just amazed by the amount of food in there and the type of food as well, different than what you’re accustomed to see in a lunchbox.

“You– eat sushi during school lunch?”

“My–”, he hesitates and avoids looking at you as he speaks again, “My mom made it for me”, he explains giving a pair of chopsticks to you, “She’s Japanese so she exaggerated a little when she heard I was coming back to school today”, you smiled at him and his heart skipped a bitas he glanced at you, feeling stupid for sharing this little piece of information with you, “She never made me lunch during high school– that’s why–”, he hurries to explain in hopes it’d take him out of his embarrassment.

“Is it really okay if I eat it?”

“How am I supposed to eat all of this alone?”, that almost looked like a pout again.

“I bet she’s happy for you”

Baekhyun can’t really understand why he said what he said, but he felt like you should know. The two of you eat silently for a moment, enjoying the food and the presence of each other is oddly good enough.

“Do you like it?”, you hum and nod, covering your mouth with your hand to hide a smile since you’re chewing.

“But– Baekhyun–”, you start once you swallow

“Uhm?”, he asks putting something in his mouth ignoring how his heart flips in his chest when you speak his name yet again.

“Are you really alright, you know, from last night? Doesn’t it hurt anywhere?”

“Still worried about that?”

“Of course! It seemed pretty bad yesterday. You looked like you’d pass out.”

He hummed, looking at his food without really picking anything.

“It wasn’t really that bad. Mr. Kim called a doctor in.”, he looks at you and gives you a half-hearted smile, “Who said I had a good nurse, so he didn’t need to do much. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.”

He reached for the food again and you hold his hand wrapped in a bandage.

“Maybe I– shouldn’t ask this. I know it’s none of my business, but–”, when you look up he’s already looking at you, “That person is he– is he really your older brother?”

His eyes linger yours like he’s done before.

“Sort of”, his voice trembles a little, “Suho isn’t really my brother. But my mother married Mr. Kim, his father. So, we’re family.”

You look at his hand again, now holding yours too. His thumb presses yours gently.

“I know he wouldn’t go overboard”

‘overboard’, you think, ‘what does he mean by that? What overboard means after what his brother did?’

“Sounds strange to you?”, you hum with a light nod.

Baekhyun can’t really understand himself. He behaves completely different around you. That warmth from the day before, that familiarity and that feeling of being home embraced him from the moment he saw that morning. He wanted to stand up and go to you, hold your hand and feel you pulse, feel your palm on his and hear you calling his name. He earned for it so much, he almost lost himself a little when you called his name in front of the class and because of all of that he doesn’t question and let himself lean closer to kiss your hair, it smells like an exotic fruit.

“I promise I’ll be careful”, he offers you a smile.

And you accept it, leaning forward to kiss him and he smiles in the kiss before kissing you back, cupping your cheeks and brushing the strands of your hair behind your ear. Baekhyun is really getting intoxicated by you. There’s no doubt. The night before, after he dropped you off at the street you asked him and saw you get in the building safely, when he drove away to meet Jongdae and his boys, when he heard what Jongdae told him, when he was in bed and got no sleep. There wasn’t a moment he didn’t wonder if he just didn’t make you up.

Everything about you is just too good. Your touch and your kiss still lingered on him, causing tingles on his skin, there’s nothing that ever came anywhere close to how you make him feel. Just thinking about you causes those stupid butterflies in his stomach. You got him feeling dizzy again, like the night before and he can’t blame anything for that. The feeling of being surrounded that was nothing but you, of being swept off his feet. It’s all there and it’s all your doing. Baekhyun’s not sure if he’s the lucky one to have you so willingly around or if you’re just too unlucky to get mingled with him.

Whatever it is, Baekhyun’s determined that you won’t get harmed because of him, he won’t let his problematic life get to you no matter what, right now he’s a little bit too selfish to step back and tell you to leave. But that’s okay because he will stop when time comes, he will put an end when things start going too far. Right now, however, you’re some kind of miracle made just for him and he can’t let go.

Baekhyun turns his body to you and suddenly you’re sitting between his legs. He tilts his head, pulling on your lips and you let him kiss you deeper. He sighs when you wrap your arms around his neck. It’s almost as if this is a first for both of you and in certain way, it is. You find soon that he really likes playing with your lips, nibbling on them between kisses that aren’t necessarily chaste, but doesn’t move any further. His hand always finds a way to hold yours, fingers playing with each other every now and then. When he finally pulls back, he kisses your cheek and chuckles when you blush and pulls you to lean your back against his chest, while he rests against the wall.

“We better stop now or this–”, he touches your lower lip, redden from the kisses, “—might be hard to explain”, a rather prideful smile plays on his lips that are a little worse than yours and you can’t avoid blushing.

“This is bleeding again”, you reach inside the pocket of your uniform skirt for a handkerchief to wipe the blood from his lip.

He plays with your hand while the two of you start eating again.

“Green tea muffins”, he says when he pulls out the desert.

“Your mom is really amazing! I’m sure she spent all night in this”

“It’s too much, so I’ll give them to the boys later. You have cram school right? You want to take some with you?”

“How do you know?”

“There was a reminder in your phone about it last night”

“Oh, sorry! Did it woke you up?”, he shakes his head

“I’m used to stay up late. But shouldn’t you sleep early? Isn’t school tiring enough?”

“Usually I finish self-study around eleven”, he hums as you take a bite on the muffin.

Maybe this is too good and too easy. The way you lean against him as if you’ve been doing this for a long time, the way his heart just accepts it. You can feel his heart beating, it matches yours. This is just too comfortable, and you feel alright.

“Why don’t you take a nap?”

“You mean now? ”, you pull away to look at him and he’s dead serious about it, “Here?”

“Why not? I’m sure you didn’t have much sleep last night. Come–”, you let him pull you against his chest again and wrap his arm around your waist securely, “—face this side or the sun will hit your face”, he looks calm, but you can hear his heart racing. You feel drowsy while he pats your head.

“Baekhyun”, his name should feel foreign to say, but it comes out naturally and the way his heart seems to rehearse a staccato so close to your ear surprises you, “I’m sorry”

“Why?”, he hums in confusion

“The homeroom teacher, our classmates, the other teachers– They’re all overdoing it.” You said, feeling his chuckle shake his breathing.

“And why’d you apologize for them?”, he scoffs

“Someone has to. It’s not fair with you.”

“Don’t worry about that. To be honest, someone already did”, you can hear his smile on his distant and almost dreamy tone of someone who’s lost in memories

“Really? Who?”

“Just a person”, your fingers play with his lazily because the weather is good and Baekhyun’s heart beating is like a lullaby, “But no one needs to apologize. That’s something to be expected since it’s me we’re talking about”

“I told you already”, you turn your head a little to look up at him and he tilts his head to look at you too, “Don’t look down on yourself because of someone’s narrow mind.”

He pecks your forehead and smiles at you and the way your heart trips on itself is really unexpected, so you lean against his chest again, like before.

“That’s– a lot of trust, Y/n”, you hear somewhere while drifting into your nap, “Thank you!”, he mutters against your hair.


	4. Chapter 4

You keep telling him to not let other people’s mindset get to him, but that never really got to him in the first place. Well, at least he thinks so anyway. He’s far too used to the bad-mouthing and prejudice, he’s used to be tossed aside from everywhere because who’s he to deserve anything better? He’s used to be looked down on and keep being who he’s born to be. Which is a fatherless crook with a set destiny, there’s nothing to it.

People who have other types of lives, people who has a choice wouldn’t understand and he doesn’t want nor need them to. Then, there’s you and you have everything, yet still you come and take him by his hand like this. He shouldn’t let it get to him, he knew that night and he knows even better now.

Of course, you don’t know, and he makes sure no one else does, that every second or so his eyes drift towards you during classes. You’re focused, obliviously determined with your studies while he sits there, clueless about where to go with all of it. You did plant a seed of hope somewhere inside him, but he doesn’t know what to do with it and he planned on telling you about the possibilities of disappointing you during lunch, but that’s when you let him feel all of that again. Everything he felt that night and he cannot argue with it.

Looking around him Baekhyun knows he doesn’t belong there, everything he accomplished so far is thanks to Mr. Kim’s manipulations, thanks to his mother, he never really did anything to deserve being in the most prominent class, even if he had good grades before when he did attempt something, this is different. He does understand why people look down on him, but now it hurts to think about it because you’re making him believe he’s something better.

Baekhyun wants to try proving them wrong, follow your lead even knowing he places last when he’s anywhere close to you and seeing you in class proves it. He wouldn’t let you know how his pen trembled on his hands and the letters danced on his eyes when he was handled that paper or how cold sweat ran down his back when he tried taking notes.

He leaves class before it ends, as if there are hound dogs chasing him. The boys in the restroom leave as soon as he walks in and that’s fortunate because he wants to be alone, in fact, he feels like smoking, but he knows the teachers are looking for any opportunity to kick him out of school now they have a chance and even if he dared, he left his pack of cigarettes in his beloved Porshe. Just a precaution to let himself surrender into his usual reckless behavior.

Throwing his backpack on the floor, under the sink, Baekhyun unbuttons his shirt a little and splashes some water on his face. His damp hair falls on his eyes and he brushes them back with his fingers, taking a couple of deep breathes and licking his lips. 

What a mad world this place is. He feels suffocated and trapped by all of this. His heart beats like crazy for reasons different reasons when he’s with you, different from when he’s racing with his friends, different than when he’s being beaten up by his older brother. Looking at the mirror in front of him, to that person dressed in a school uniform, staring back at him with a fierce glare and arrogant expression. Baekhyun can’t recognize this stranger. It supposed to be a reflection, but nothing in it shows how he really feels.

This scary, heartless crook piercing him with his eyes is the same he’s seen looking back and smirk at him his whole life, Baekhyun can’t understand why he feels like facing a stranger now. Someone ignorant to this turmoil rambling inside of him with something that resembles what others would probably call panic biting sharply around the corners. Baekhyun wonders how could you of all people see past this. His hair falls on his face again and he focuses on arranging something nice enough. Why does he feels like being suffocated?

Baekhyun grips tightly on the edges of the sink because everything else is a crazy mess around him, he doesn’t realize his white knuckles nor that the voices he’s hearing is all in his head. There are no teachers making bitter comments indirectly to him, there are no side glares from students in this empty restroom, still everything is so damn real and it all seems to crush him. It’s much worse than the beating he got the night before. Physical pain is nothing close to this, whatever this is, the piece of trash mocking him from the mirror tells him he’s going to fail at this, he’s going to screw it all up, just like everything he’s done with everything else so far.

“Hey, Baek!”, Jongdae’s voice echoes to Baekhyun, “the boys are waiting–”, Baekhyun doesn’t know when he closed his eyes, “Baekhyun!”

Jongdae grips on Baekhyun’s shoulders and shakes him until he’s friend is looking back at him.

“This worried look doesn’t suit you”

“You looked like you’re about to die or something. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”, Baekhyun forces himself to stand up straight, “What did you say about the boys?”

“They’re waiting”

“Tell them to go ahead. You too. I won’t take long.”

“You think you can drive like this?”

“I’m okay”, he guarantees

“You don’t look like you’re okay”

“Who do you think I am? Just go. Make sure they’re ready.”

“Baek! Are you sure of what you’re doing? If Mr. Kim finds out–”, Jongdae trails off and places his hand Baekhyun shoulder, holding firmly this time, “Listen, I talked to Minseok, alright? He said we can call it off.”

“Yeah? So what should I tell Jongin when he wakes up? Sorry about your headache kid, but we chickened out because the grumpy old man glared at me? C’mon!”

“Jongin wouldn’t blame you for not doing anything in a situation like this”,

Baekhyun shrugs. “I don’t see the old man doing anything to stop me, Jongs. That means he wants something to happen and is using Jongin, your little brother, for this. Is that okay with you?”

“You think he’ll give Suho’s turf to you?”

“Fuck no!”, Baekhyun scoffs with a smirk, “He just wants to know what Suho is really capable of aside from barking nonsense like a lap dog–”, Jondgae tries to stop him and Baekhyun shrugs his friend’s hand off his shoulder, “No, Jongs! He has to pull his head out of his ass for once. He shouldn’t look down on people and I don’t mind being the one to teach him that.”

Baekhyun doesn’t realize he just repeated your words so effortesly until he hears Jongdae’s voice again, speaking through a defeated sigh.

“Alright, let’s do it your way”

Baekhyun nods and pats his friend’s shoulder. “Tell Minseok to get to it”

Baekhyun glances at the mirror when Jongdae walks out and that crook is staring back at him again.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

The expensive office is trashed and the only light are coming from the windows that don’t have the blinds ragged during the fight while the others are still closed.

“You fuck–ing prick”, Suho hisses, gripping on Baekhyun’s pants who’s almost wrecked as him, “Dad will–”

“Now, that’s funny, older brother. Someone at your age calling for daddy like this… Isn’t this your fault for looking down on me?”

Baekhyun laughs mockingly and shakes his leg off Suho’s grip before crouching down next to the older boy who’s having a hard time breathing and keeping one eye open when the other is already swollen with a dark shade of purple.

“Think carefully–”, Suho’s threat sounds like a plea and that has Baekhyun poking his teeth with his tongue to avoid smiling, afraid his lower lip would be ripped apart if he do.

“Why’d you think the old man let you get your ass beaten up by me, huh?”, he provokes, tapping his nail on Suho’s cheek, “You should be the one using your brain here. Now, listen carefully, alright? If I ever hear about you or the old man trying to play games with my friends again, I’ll make sure to go all the way next time. Did I make myself clear?”

Baekhyun’s glare has Suho’s swallowing hard, this time he doesn’t look playful and there’s no sign of the usual cockiness in his expression. Suho looks away, muttering an agreement. Baekhyun’s not an ignorant moron, he knows exactly what these words will trigger for him, but truth be told he’s tired of being tossed and turned as a play thing between Mr. Kim and Suho to solve their own issues.

The reason why he started this was really because of Jongdae’s younger brother, Jongin, ended up real bad after what happened that night in the construction site. He knows Jongdae blames himself for letting his brother follow him even when Baekhyun told the youngster to stay back like Sehun. But, Baekhyun saw Suho’s smile when he struck Jongin in the head. ‘This should be you’, it was written all over Suho’s face when he looked at Baekhyun once Jongin fell at his feet.

“Baek–”

Baekhyun snaps his eyes at Jongdae and just by the way his friend looks at Suho, he can tell Jongdae’s worried.

“Tell Minseok to come up here.”

“Baekhyun—”, he’s ignored.

“We have to take over”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“We came a long way,” Baekhyun said, standing up and turning his back to Suho who is already passed out on the floor, “We don’t have much to lose now. Call Yixing too. His vacation in China is over, we need him here.”

He’s hurt and tired and an all-around mess. Now that his boys are cleaning up the building, Jongdae has everything under control and he trusts his friend wholeheartedly to take care of whatever comes up, for now he just needs a moment. The only quiet place he finds is what is left of the office after Suho is taken away, this will be his now. Though the one sitting on that chair will be Yixing for sometime.

The city lights bathe part of the office, peeking through the broken and ragged blinds creating odd patterns. When Baekhyun sits down on that spot with his knees pulled up to his chest, one of his hands holding his phone and a lighted cigarette, while the other nestled closed to him because it hurts like hell. Somehow, there’s just one thing he can think of.

To Y/n:  
Don’t get into trouble tonight

You smile at your phone before typing a reply.

From Y/n:  
You ran out of class today. I was worried 

Baekhyun hesitates a little before replying.

To Y/n:  
I had to take care of something. It was important 

Your reply takes a while to arrive, but when it pops up on Baekhyun’s screen, his lips curls into a half smile.

From Y/n:  
Something about your brother again?

From Y/n:  
Are you okay? 

What would he expect from you? He tilts his head, typing the simple reply. His cigarette is burning away behind his phone.

To Y/n:  
I’m fine. 

Baekhyun inhales a lungful of smoke, your reply comes right after.

From Y/n:  
You said that last night too.

From Y/n:  
So, does this mean something happened? 

His fingers hover over the keyboard as he blows out the smoke burning his throat and Baekhyun doesn’t really know what to reply. He doesn’t want to lie to you, but he doesn’t want to get you in his mess, much less disappoint you. He blinks a few times as if this would clean his mind as he leans his head back against the wall behind him, looking at the ceiling. Another lungful of smoke and he looks around the place. How can he talk to you in a moment like this?

Baekhyun takes a long drag and rubs his eyes with the knuckle of his thumb. Stretching out one of his legs, he groans when the muscle pulls at the wrong places, he focusing on blowing out the smoke. Looking around the messy office what you said to him comes to his mind, he remembers the way you held his hand and looked in his eyes while speaking to him, you faced that same cold-hearted bastard he sees in the mirror every day, still you saw someone different.

“—where you come from, what you are right now. These things don’t define you, they don’t define your future.”, it’s almost as if he can hear you saying it to him again. But, what would you say if you saw all of this? Would you believe in the bastard that just sent Suho to a hospital for revenge or would you still see him as the golden-hearted Baekhyun? There’s just one of him and this is it. The homeroom teacher is right, everyone knows better than expect anything good from him, so why do you?

It’s really as if at the moment he’s with you, he’s really someone else, someone different than that cold-hearted bastard that is attempting to destroy his own family. What he did certainly was not what you meant when you said all that to him, you’d be disappointed if you knew. But what he did can’t be taken back. So what should he do now? Taking another drag on his cigarette, he looks at the phone screen and another message arrives.

From Y/n:  
Is it /that/ bad? 

He takes another drag on his cigarette before typing.

To Y/n:  
I have to go. 

To Y/n:  
Let’s meet at that place tomorrow, I’ll bring us lunch. 

Your reply comes right after. 

From Y/n:  
If you’re hurt, then stay home tomorrow.

From Y/n:  
I can take notes for you.

Baekhyun doesn’t notice his smile when he reads it and his answer comes out naturally.

To Y/n:  
No. I’ll go. 

He’s smiling like a fool, even if his lip hurts and he didn’t realize his cigarette has burned out

From Y/n:  
Then, let me make the lunch tomorrow, instead.

When Minseok knocks on the open door to announce himself he really can’t believe the person he see sitting there is really Baekhyun. How long has it been since last saw Baekhyun really smiling? Even when Baekhyun’s looking at him his expression is much different from that arrogant façade he’s been wearing the past years.

“What?”, Minseok likes how Baekhyun doesn’t force a command or an unnecessary boredom when he speaks.

“You gotta see this?”, Minseok replies after a moment

“Can you take care of it? I have to go somewhere”, Minseok watches as Baekhyun puts his jacket on, hissing at the pain when he moves his one arm that is hurt, “Call me if anything comes up”

“Sure”, Minseok frowns and follows as Baekhyun walks past him

“I’m going out for a bit, okay?”, Baekhyun tells Jongdae when he passes by the other who’s busy giving orders.

“Are you going to drive with your arm like this?”, Jongdae frowns and Minseok stops him

“Wait, I’ll call one of the boys to drive you”

“No, it’s okay”, Baekhyun pats his friend’s back before walking away,

“Where are you going?”, Minseok half-yells

“To the hospital!”, Baekhyun replies without thinking

“You wha– Byun Baekhyun! Don’t lie~!”

Jongdae’s yells bounces off the walls of the trashed building, but Baekhyun’s doesn’t bother replying. Simply smiles playfully while waving to his friends with his one good hand while the doors to the elevator closes.

You wave goodnight and goodbye to your friend at the usual crossroad and your phone buzzes in your pocket.

From Baekhyun:  
Class president, is it okay for you to just walk around in a desert place so late at night? 

You look around and half-smiles when you see the red Porshe parked not too far from you. Baekhyun waves at you with his phone and you can’t avoid noticing his arm pulled strangely against his chest. You hurry to meet him there.

“I told you wouldn’t want to see it”, he tells you when you try looking closer at his arm and winces when you try to have a better look.

“This looks broken. You should be in a hospital”, your attention is on his arms, but his eyes are on you, “I can’t help you with this one”

You pay closer attention to his face, the purple marks and cuts are worse than what he had the night before and without thinking you reach out to touch them. Too focused to notice how his eyes wander on your feature, the worry and carefulness he saw the night before are there again. It’s almost like his heart is melting, that crook that stares at him in the mirrors can’t seem to feel this. It’s really as if at this moment, he’s someone else, someone different than that cold-hearted bastard he was so sure to be not too long ago.

“The cuts are open again. You really should—”, you gasp, surprised when Baekhyun leans down to kiss you, cupping your cheek.

Much like the night before, his kiss is sweet, almost chaste at first. He’s always careful, but not with him because he pulls you close to him despite his broken arm. His thumb massages your cheek, his hand slides down your neck to cradle your head. When he tries to pull a little closer with his arm around your waist, he’s reminded of his state and pulls back, wincing with pain.

“You really should go to a hospital”

“It’s okay. I’ll call the doctor when I get home”, you step back and tilt your head, looking up at him with a frown, “What?”

“Baekhyun”, there goes his heart stumbling again, “Do you have a problem with hospitals?”, he hesitates before replying 

“No”

“Really?”

You cross your arms stubbornly and Baekhyun looks away licking his lips. It’s quite amazing how you seem to read him so easily, something even bigger than that is how you just seem to turn into this person that makes that unlucky, scary bastard he’s grown to look nothing but a shady stranger he forgets about easily and Baekhyun still trying to figure out how you do what you do to him. When it comes to you, he has more questions than answers.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

His heart is racing one mile per second the moment he stops the car in front of the hospital and it takes Baekhyun more than he’d ever admit walking into the building without hyperventilating. He wishes he could smoke, that’d ease some of this anxiety crawling its way up in him

Baekhyun doesn’t like the smells, the nurses much less doctors, the overly bright lights all around him— All that has Baekhyun’s hesitating during the two minutes time the nurse went and came back with the response that the doctor would see him right away.

“And you’re really here!” The young doctor really seems surprised when Baekhyun walks in his room without any ceremony, “Good night to you too, Baek!”

Siwon stands up right away, knowing fairly well how Baekhyun deals with hospitals.

“Why didn’t you just called?” He asks again.

Baekhyun’s obviously too nervous to say something at first and for some time, he take his time between examining, diagnosing, and talking Baekhyun down from his agitated state of mind due this hospital phobia he has.

“There’s something I want to ask you”, Baekhyun says out of nowhere after refusing any conversation and Siwon glances up at him while working a cast around his arm.

Siwon looks up but his eyes find a very different expression on Baekhyun’s face, something much different than that cold indifference he always seems to wear.

“What is it?”

Baekhyun makes a pause and bites the inside of his cheek. It’s like Siwon’s seeing that playful and easily hyped boy again after so long.

“How did you walk out of that world?” Siwon frowns

“What do you mean?”

“Everyone says the only escape from this world is the afterlife, but you— You made it out and has a successful career as a doctor. How did you do it?”, Siwon finishes and after taking off the gloves he leans back.

“That world isn’t a place someone leaves, Baek. It comes back to bite when you least expect, I just consider myself lucky to find a comfortable position that allows me to play dumb”, Siwon says with a bitter half-smile playing on his lips, “It’s worse than you think”

Baekhyun keeps himself quiet, pondering Siwon’s answer by himself until the painkiller had some effect on him along with his tiredness. He barely noticed being taken to a private room before drifting to sleep.

“Baek?”, Jongdae barges into his room, “You’re really here! Why? How bad is it? I didn’t know Suho could really do anything–”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. How did you know I was here?”

“Siwon called me. Since when you come all the way to the hospital for nothing? 

“I need you to drive me home”

“Sure, my car’s outside”

“No!”, Baekhyun’s feeling quite sleepy already, “I can’t let Baby stay parked here”

“So— You want me to drive your Baby?” Jongdae asks suspiciously, “—the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I can’t drive like this.”, Baekhyun tries to sit up and Jongdae hurries to help him lean back, “How are things back there?”

“I left Minseok in charge, so don’t worry about it”, Jongdae himself is worried sick, Baekhyun can tell.

“How about Yixing?”

“He’s taking the first flight”

“Good”, Baekhyun swallows thickly, it’s getting hard to stay awake, “I can’t let that person see me like this—”, he mumbles unknowingly.

“Who?”

“Y/n”, Jongdae sighs and watches as Baekhyun drifts into sleep.

Baekhyun wakes up with the alarm on his phone ringing annoyingly and he naturally reaches for where supposed to be his nightstand, except that it’s not there. He tries reaching to the other side, not there, he tries taunting around the bed, but this bed is smaller than his. Where is he? Still feeling drowsy and dizzy he raises his head to look around and even if he takes a moment or two he recognizes Jongdae’s guest bedroom.

“Morning”, Jongdae mocks at him when Baekhyun walks in the kitchen

Baekhyun groans in reply, his whole body aches and his arm in a cast itches.

“Why am here?” The view from the wall-size window from the penthouse is gorgeous, but Baekhyun is used to it.

“Apparently Mr. Kim is letting Suho go berserk”, he watches as Baekhyun sits down across from him at the table, “I ordered breakfast”, he pushes the package to Baekhyun

“He must know I’m here”, the younger says while gulping down on the coffee

“I’m sure he does. It’s still safer than being at his house”

“Where’s my uniform?”

“What? You’re going to school? Are you insane?”

“Can you drive me there?”

“Hey! Baek, aren’t you going a little too far for that person?”

“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

⁎ ⁎ ⁎ 

Jongdae can’t really believe even he’s walking by Baekhyun’s side in the school hallways. He follows his friend to the classroom and obviously, every student on their way step aside, glancing at them and whispering their theories between themselves about how they got so messed up and who did it, not that any of it bothers any of them or the others following behind them.

The homeroom teacher tries hiding an amused smile the moment he walks in class and right after the morning greeting and the roll call, he announces the date to the first ranking-worth quiz says: “If you studied hard and dedicated yourself to your future, then there’s nothing to worry about, but—”, the man pauses and makes sure to direct a pointed look at Baekhyun,, “If you come to school to kill time, take some consideration on your classmate’s reputation and just don’t show up.”

During lunch, you find him sitting on the floor of the balcony, eyes closed and head resting against the wall with a frown and it’s the sounds of your steps that makes him open his eyes.

“Worried about your score?” You ask playfully

“No”, his lips are pulled to one side in an un-humorous smile, “I already know how it’ll turn out?”

“How?” He follows your movements as you seat next to him

“I don’t think I should show up that day”, he chuckles bitterly to himself.

“It’s just a quiz”, you turn to look at him, “If you go through the workbooks and some notes, it’ll be okay”, he blinks a couple of times when he looks at you.

“I’m not that smart”, Baekhyun comments with amusement

“I heard the teachers saying you used to get high grades before”, you say matter-of-factly

“Of all the rumors about me you listen to this one?” He shakes his head, “What about the others?”

“What about them?” You ask as you open the lunchbox you made for the both of you, he doesn’t say anything, so you look up and he’s are already waiting

“Shouldn’t you ask me about them? If they’re true?” You tilt your head when he interrupts himself for a moment, “Isn’t there anything you want to ask me about what you saw that day between me and my older brother? Or why am I like this?” Baekhyun raises his casted arm a little to make a point, “About this or Mr. Kim’s business. About what happened with other students these past three years. All that. Aren’t you curious about those things? How much of a bad person I really am, how wrong about me you can be?”

“You protect the students that are considered a nobody, so they join you when they feel grateful and protected. Whatever happens between you and your brother is a family matter, why would I want to ask something like this?”

Baekhyun’s fascinated and his eyes searches yours as you lean your arm on his knee that is pulled up close to his chest and you rest your chin on your arm. He tries to justify this weird thing he feels, something that – as stupid as it sounds – feels like a million butterflies in his stomach.

For a moment or two you don’t say anything, and he doesn’t either, it’s a necessary silence in which Baekhyun knows you’re not just playing some sort of trick nor trying to deceive him in any way, like that night, you’re speaking honestly to him and it warms up his heart once again. The stubborn organ, against his will, starts a race on its own and maybe looking into your eyes like that is too much, but he can’t just look away.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in what kind of bad person you push yourself to be or what others picture you. I want to know the Baekhyun that is willing to push his friends away just, so they can lead life a better without him.”

You make a pause and reach out to brush the red strand of hair that falls on his forehead in a perfect wave, his hair is soft and smooth and his eyes wavers on yours while his heart runs wild.

“Baekhyun!”, there it goes his heart stuttering again, “A real rotten, bad person doesn’t have loyal friends”, he reaches up to take your hand in his and his fingers intertwined with yours, like a second nature.

“Why are you so good to me?”

“There too much people looking down on you. Someone has to remind you about the good person you are too”

Your smile is much brighter than the sun shining above that blue, clear sky. Baekhyun has never felt this lucky in his life

“Oh!”, he tilts his head when you pull back with a surprised expression.

“What?”

“This smile of yours”, you point at the open and easy smile he just mindlessly gave you, a natural reaction to yours, “it’s the first time I see it!”, and, no, Baekhyun’s definitely not blushing, it’s just the weather getting to him, “I want to take a picture”

You try pulling your phone out and he tries to snatch from your hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Just a picture!”

“No! Forget it!”

“Why~? You look adorable smiling like that.”

“What kind of nonsense are you—”, you giggle and manages to take a blurry picture, “Don’t!” 

“Cute! Byun Baekhyun is a shy boy~”

“Whoa! Y/n is a bully!” He teases, “Who would know?”

The world is fireworks, smiles and full of warmth and peaceful when you’re with Baekhyun, when he’s surrounded by you. It’s so easy to dive into this new world he didn’t knew he needed. He’s just fine with this even if it only exists when the two of you are together secretly like this, everywhere else you’re the perfect straight A student, kind and neat.

The juniors admire you, the basketball team is successful thanks to how much hard work you pour on the club even when you’re working so hard with cram school too and even with all that you still find time for volunteer work during the weekend at the community nursery home with your mother.

Aside from his best friends, no one knows about what he has with you and it’s better this way. He’s still the bastard everyone sees him at, he’s still in a cold-war with his own family over the business he took over, maybe he’s greedy for keeping you as well. Everyone would see something like this isn’t right. However, you still choose to be with him, it’s almost like a miracle.

The harsh world he lives in with all the daggers pointing at him seems to lose its effect the moment he sees you. His smile just appears, simple as that. All he needs is to have you by his side and nothing else really takes effect, not even when he has a face-off with Mr. Kim and has a death threat swaying over his head.

Seeing you walking towards him with a smile is enough to make him believe that nothing can beat him up. He has to keep going to see you smile like this again. Baekhyun pulls you close and kisses you because, right now, he can do this, as long as you want him next to you, why would he let an old man order him around?


	5. Chapter 5

Baekhyun pulls the door of his Baby closed and turns the engine on with a smile on his face as he easily maneuvers a sharp turn.

“So, where are we going?”, you ask him in curiosity.

“You’ll see.”

Once the two of you are far away enough, out in an open highway, he stows the roof and watches you stretch out with a smile. The dawn chases the two of you and Baekhyun tries not to be caught as much as he tries to enjoy these little cheesy things that happens whenever he’s with you. It’s hard knocking out that smile from his face when you’re sitting beside him, reaching out your hand to feel the wind on your palm.

It’s a pleasant warm feeling he doesn’t understand that seems to take him from inside out. It makes him feel like someone different, the kind of person he’d like to be just so he could be with you whenever, hold your hand without being afraid of ruining your life in the process.

But, that’s nothing but a daydream, Baekhyun knows it well. He’s remind of it when you turn to him and pokes his cheek. It’s not bad because, bottom line, at least, even if it’s like this, he stills has you beside him. Baekhyun speeds up, trying to get a reaction from you, but aside from the initial surprise he gets nothing. You poke his cheek again.

“Trying to scare me? I’m not easily scared, you know?”

“I wouldn’t do that”, he speaks nonchalantly

“I’ll forgive you if you tell me where we’re going”, you try yet again

“Why are you so impatient?”, Baekhyun pretends to be annoyed, but his smile hiding in the corners of his lips gives him away.

“I’m curious”

You try poking him again and his response is trying to bite your finger before you pull away.

“This is just so you can relax a bit, how come I’m the one getting stressed?” You sigh at his question and he tries glancing at you

“Alright, then I’ll take a nap. Wake me up when we get there!” You stop him from reaching to the car’s panel, “Leave it like this! I like the wind, it makes me feel like I’m flying.”, he chuckles

“Your hair will get messy”

“A little late for that, captain obvious”

You joke faintly pointing the a cap you borrowed from him, although he already let you know it’s Jongdae’s, not his. This meaningless, playful banter is heartwarming for Baekhyun and he feels like he should have a souvenir out of this, so he pulls out his phone and snaps a photo of you. Messy hair, flushed cheeks and an easy, carefree small smile somewhere.

When you wake up, the car’s parked and you’re alone. You stir and Baekhyun taps your window, greeting you with a playful smile, a glance on the mirror tells enough about your appearance and you groan inwardly. Baekhyun tries opening the door and you pull it close again.

“Are you locking yourself inside?” He mocks you from behind the glass

“I’ll be right out”, and you don’t let go of the door until he goes back to lean on the side of the car.

***

It’s been a while since the last time you’ve been anywhere near a beach and you never knew there was a shore this beautiful near where you live. There’s no houses or hotel in view, the sound of the waves crashing on the rocks and beautiful sight of stars and moon reflecting on the sea like a mirror. It’s a lot to take in just by looking once, such beautiful sight with only a few things that comes together in a overwhelming view that is quite hard to describe.

“Where’s this?” You ask when Baekhyun comes back with a warm blanket from the car’s truck.

You’re standing on the side of the car now, wearing his jacket because the sight is incredibly beautiful, but the wind is salty and cold on your skin.

“We’re in a friend’s property”

“This is a private property? The beach too?”

“Well…”, he shrugs, wrapping the blanket around the two of you and securing you in a back-hug, “Kind of, yeah”

“How do you know people like this”, he scoffs

“You know him too”, surprised, you jolt, turning to look back at him

“Who? Jongdae?”

“Not even close”

“Who, then?”

“Suho”

“Your older brother? Is it okay?”

“It’s alright, don’t worry. He owns me a lot”

“Are you sure? You won’t get into trouble for this, right?” Baekhyun scoofs

“You have to learn to trust me”, he speaks up in a defensive tone and you pull away a little to look back at him.

“I let you bring me in the middle of nowhere, blindfolded, and you’re telling me that I don’t trust you”, he squints

“You weren’t blindfolded”

“I was sleeping, isn’t that the same?”

Baekhyun laughs openly at you and you turn back to face him and he wraps his arm around you again.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been anywhere close to the beach”

“I know”, he speaks in a low tone, admiring you as you glance at the sea, “You told me that during lunch at school the other day”

You smile faintly, looking back at him you tip-toe to steal a kiss and Baekhyun takes advantage of you, carrying you to deepen the kiss. The cold wind touching bits of your exposed skin contrasts with the warmth of being embraced by Baekhyun’s arms under the cozy blanket.

Better than that is cuddling with him in the backseat of his beloved Porshe. You recall the day you met him, that is, the day you talked to him for the first time despite being in the same school for almost three years. He was laying on the backseat, careless and playing a bad boy image you’ve seen often before that.

Something quite different from now when he’s sharing this small, but not all uncomfortable, space with you. You rest your head on his shoulder, staring at the sky dotted with too many stars while the sound of the waves and smell of the breeze soothes you.

“Did you stop smoking?” You ask with a frown, finally noticing he doesn’t like cigarettes smoke anymore.

Baekhyun plays with your finger in his, something that’s becoming quite a habit for him now. Something he thinks about, and misses, when you’re not with him or when you’re around, but he’s not allowed to touch you without risking getting you in trouble. You let your fingertips wander up his arm, feeling the strange texture left from the cast he’s been wearing.

“You said you didn’t like it”, he replies simply

“You did it for me?” You push yourself up to look at him, surprised.

“Why else?”

“Why are you so stupid?”

You make yourself a little more comfortable on top of him when Baekhyun shifts to have a better look at you. However, despite your annoyed tone, you reach out to brush his hair from covering his eyes.

“You should do this for yourself”, you nag at him and he smirks, “It’s bad for your health! If I tell you to change your hair would you do it too?”

He chuckles, but doesn’t reply, but instead, with a playful smile, leans to press a kiss on your lips and your hand slides down his hair as you kiss him back.

“In this case? Can I decide what we’ll do next weekend?” He frowns

“Don’t you have volunteer work?”

“Don’t worry!” You wave dismissively, “So?”

“Do I ever tell you no?”

The kisses start playful, filled with laughter and giggles until Baekhyun can’t help himself, but whisper sweet nothings in your ear just to make you blush. It’s a rare sight and he likes it a lot and so the kisses turn into chaste apologies.

Somewhere along the way the two of you get too caught up and next thing you know Baekhyun is knocking the air out of lungs and pulling on your lips. You’re fisting on his shirt and pulling him closer without caring about being all that comfortable like before. Baekhyun can’t resist the urge to taste your skin and you don’t stop his lips from doing so, not his hands from wandering.

Baekhyun would do anything you want him to just to feel you in his arms like this, to see this smile and this unique expression of yours. To be surrounded and cared for by you. It’s by far the best thing life could ever promise him and he knows is just an empty promise, he knows better than to look forward to anything beyond what he can see, but– Baekhyun is the worse stubborn bastard anyone could ever know 

By the way you let him hold you against him and kiss you breathless he can tell that he must be doing things right. He kisses your closed eyelids and forehead before pulling away, you give him that a sample of those smiles he adores so much and his heart swoons. He’s done for and he knows it.

He knows from personal experience, this is the very beginning of an addiction. Only that you’re clearly stronger than him and he won’t be able to beat you and he stubborn nature will gladly ignore all the red flags until he’s too far gone and lost with no way to turn back. That night, while Baekhyun drives you back home with you sleeping peacefully on the passenger’s seat he can’t help but wonder what’d happen when you end up seeing him as he really is, a cold-hearted crook with nothing to offer.

There are many new things that Baekhyun only knew he could feel after meeting you, but this desperation that seems to eat him inside out is the first bad one. When he looks at you peacefully sleeping, all cuddled up on the passenger seat, covered with that blanket, he knows he’d do anything to silently stay by your side like this because he knows all too well he’s nowhere close to deserve you. He reaches out to run the back of his fingers on your cheek.

***

The next day, when you walk in the classroom and glances over at Baekhyun, you have to hold back a gasp. His eyes locks with yours, he’s wearing that arrogant facade as always, but you can see that mischievous yet adorable smile he wears only for you hidden in the corners of his eyes.

You have to blink once or twice, doing your best to not smile at him, all the others has their eyes on him too, why wouldn’t they? Baekhyun is handsome enough to take their breaths away much like the kiss from the night before, but that’s just not the reason why. His red strands are gone and that ridiculous hair style too. You imagined he’d be good looking with his hair in its natural color and a different haircut, but your imagination failed miserably to picture just how much.

Baekhyun’s wearing his uniform properly, the tie too and his tattoos are duly covered, even the one that trails up his neck, you look away and take a sit and has to bite you lip when your friend comments about him because you do agree with most of the things she says beside all the things you can’t speak up yourself.

“It’s not just because he’s– you know… That hot right now. But he’s different from before, isn’t he?”

Yes, Baekhyun is different from the beginning of that semester. You’ve seen him change a little every time you met him. You watch as the people from other classrooms comes by to look at him. They smile, squeal and look at him dreamingly. Their comments are tinted with a different kind of speculation, one that has them skeptical, but intending to approach. Only if Baekhyun himself allowed that instead of scaring people away with his still facade he never dismisses…

Even the homeroom teacher stops on his way in the classroom the moment he sees Baekhyun and you see as the man’s face fights back the urge to believe in what he’s seeing, in what it means.

“What in the world– It can’t be–”, you hear him whispering to himself as he takes his usual position and you start the morning greeting before the exam starts and the attention is drifted elsewhere.

***

During the lunch break, that smile you saw in his eyes is plastered on his face when you meet him on the school’s rooftop this time, the weather’s perfect for something like this since the season is changing.

“You’re still surprised”, he points out with a sharp amusement tinting his words

He reaches out his hand and you let him pull you against him, tip-toeing to demand a kiss that he gladly complies to. This new image of him matches him much better and you deliberately ignores the feeling of accomplishment that tries to grow n you. The gentleness in his eyes stand-out much like his playful personality you got to know.

“I keep listening how handsome you are”

“Oh?” His smile is like one from a child who’s up to something, “Since when the Y/n I know is so attached to rumors?”

“I’m just saying”

“Ah, is that it? I heard you saying I’m hot”

“It– It wasn’t me!” He knows it, still he teases just to see you blushing and laughs at how adorable you look

The second term of the exam is harsh, and you’re completely worn out by the time you walk out of the classroom. There’s no club activity and the school’s quiet after most people leave, there’s still a few hours left to cram school and in the management room of the basketball gym, behind the locked door, nothing aside yours and Baekhyun’s heavy breathing is heard. He holds you carefully as always and he lets you kiss him, his skin tingle with your touch and his hands lack its usual confidence to hold you.

You’re mesmerizing, Baekhyun just can’t take his eyes off you, just a second could be a waste for him. It doesn’t matter if this happened on the backseat of his car the night before, it’s a sight to see and he wants to make sure to secure everything in his memory. The way your pulse quickens, the way you arch your back and press yourself up against him.

Your glassy, dark eyes staring at him, his skin burns wherever you touch him, the tingling sensation becomes overwhelming with the way you carefully traces your own patterns on his tattoos. Baekhyun loves the way you melt under him, but he feels way too much undeserving of it all. Of you.

***

Monday morning, the moment you walk into school, you see everyone rushing and gathering in front of the notice board much like the first day of the semester and, like a deja vu, your friend rushes to meet you even before ou could get anywhere near. This time she doesn’t drag you to the classroom, but you can’t quite make out what she’s saying even now. She’s a blabbering mess, moving her hands everywhere and panting. 

“What are you talking about?” You ask in frustration for the third or fourth time

”Just—”, she pulls you, pushing past the crowd of students, “See?” You stare at the school ranking, “Baekhyun’s at the Top 10!”

You blink at the papers and indeed, he’s name’s there and the moment you start to pay attention to the mess of comments all around you, you notice the pattern on the loud unapologetic disbelief in everyone’s tone. Of course, Baekhyun chooses that very moment to walk in the school from the parking lot, tucking the keys to his Porshe in the pocket of his neatly worn uniform jacket and doesn’t mind when all the eyes are on him, yet again.

“Byun Baekhyun!” He turns to look at the homeroom teacher standing there with range in his eyes and gripping tightly to a paper in his hand, “Follow me! Everyone else to your classroom”

The crowd starts dispersing with mumbles and whispers here and there as Baekhyun follows the teacher. You don’t listen your friend’s words as the two of you walk to class and mutter some poor excuse before walking away. That window from the homeroom teacher’s office is always half-open and you stop there to look inside, this time on purpose.

Much like the other day, Baekhyun’s standing there, but his posture is different, he does look like a model student rather than a rascal this time, but the teacher is not so different. If anything, the man looks more vicious than the last time.

“How could you cheat on such an important test? What about the students who work their asses off to get a good grade? Do you think of this as a joke?”

The rage flowing from the man’s words stings even if it’s not directed to you and you wonder how Baekhyun can seem so calm and unfazed.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything? Do you want me to believe that you of all people got this grade? Huh? Answer me!”

“I didn’t cheat”, Baekhyun speaks quietly and respectfully to the man before him, “I studied like everyone else”, he explains simply and the teachers don’t hold back the bitter scoff as he looks down at Baekhyun

“Look at you! Do you think you can fool me?”

The teacher can’t contain himself and, gritting his teeth, grabs Baekhyun by the collar of his uniform jacket.

“You think just because you dress and behave well that you can trick me?”

Coming to his senses, the teacher lets go of Baekhyun and turns his back at the youngster. Baekhyun uses this moment to sigh and look away for a moment, his eyes finds yours as if he somehow knew you’re there. You see him gulping down and the seriousness that covers for the disappointment in his eyes, his eyes lingers on yours for too little time. Baekhyun shakes his head and you understand what he means, so you walk away.

When you walk past the notice board later that day, Baekhyun’s name is risked so angrily the paper is torn and the board behind is badly scratched, your eyes slide up to your name for the first time. It’s the first time you notice, it’s not enough, your grade. And Chanyeol is right at the top.

***

You haven’t seen Chanyeol in a while aside class, he hasn’t even been practicing with the basketball team. Apparently, he took some time off the team. He really started avoiding you after that event and he only talks to you when he really has to, rushing off as soon as he’s done. As much as you’d like to make things better and less awkward between the two of you, there’s another matter you pay attention to, instead.

Baekhyun doesn’t show up in class the next day and he doesn’t send you a text to meet him, but you find him at the rooftop with Jongdae and two other people you don’t know. Jongdae and Baekhyun are dressed in school uniforms, although you haven’t seen him in class all day, he’s neatly dressed much like the other days and his hair is as you saw the day before, that surprises you.

These two guys are obviously older than Baekhyun and even Jongdae, both are dressed in expensive tailored suits and they’re so engrossed in whatever they’re talking about that it takes a while for them to see you there and it’s Jongdae the one who notices you first.

“Baek—”, Jongdae calls, interrupting the conversation and Baekhyun looks first before seeing you.

“I’ll show up in the office later?”

Baekhyun can feel Minseok and Yixing’s knowing eyes on him and he tears his eyes away from you to look at them.

“I’ll have things ready by the end of the day”

“Call me if you need anything”, Yixing pats his back and the three of them leave.

“You shouldn’t come here. What if the other boys were here too?”

Whatever Baekhyun tries to say next is forgotten the moment your arms are around him and all he wants is to bury his face on your neck. It’s exactly what he needs.

***

The two of you don’t see each other much after that because you’re too busy chasing after that score you missed that time. You need time to concentrate and study. The desperation to chase the subjects you couldn’t understand dissipates as you delve further into them.

Even if you tried, you couldn’t sleep, your fingers and wrist hurt from writing, but you can’t really feel it since you’re too focused. Another chapter, just this last one, you need to get a better score at the cram school mock quiz, at least.

It’s past 2AM when you look at the time on your laptop, it becomes quite hard to focus anymore and the less you understand, the more frustrated you get. You lean back on your chair, your body hurts from staying there for so long, you try closing your eyes, but you can’t even think about sleeping. You look at the things scattered on your desk and reach for your phone, it’s been turned off to avoid distraction, but distracting yourself is really what you need at this moment.

There are too much ignored emails and notifications. For starters, your friend sent you message, Chanyeol sent you something about some class duties and you save it as a note to do it first thing on Monday. Then, there’s Baekhyun’s message, you blink and look at the time again before replying.

To Baekhyun:  
Sorry, I had to study and forgot about it

You supposed to meet him this weekend. Maybe you should think about a better answer, but you’re too tired. In fact, you don’t really expect for him to reply right away, but you don’t even have time to place your phone somewhere before it buzzes in your hand 

From Baekhyun:  
You studied the whole day? Until now?

You sigh.

To Baekhyun:  
Yes. 

His message pops up soon after.

From Baekhyun:  
Shouldn’t you sleep and get some rest. 

You sigh yet again, leaning your head on the chair and tilting a little.

To Baekhyun:  
I can’t sleep 

You send and your thumbs dance on the screen for a second before you decide to type again.

To Baekhyun:  
But I can’t focus on study either. 

From Baekhyun:  
Can you meet me now? 

Maybe you should give a better thought on this. Rationally, the best thing to do would be drinking a relaxing tea and trying to get a good rest before starting all over the next day. But you don’t feel like following your best advices at the moment.

To Baekhyun:  
Where? 

From Baekhyun:  
That park, a block away from your apartment 

From Baekhyun:  
It’s dangerous if you wait there. 

To Baekhyun:  
Okay. Text me when you get there, then 

You dress something nice, but comfortable and not too long after, there’s a new message.

From Baekhyun:  
I’m here. 

You chuckle at his message while replying and tiptoed your way out. You spot him leaning on the side of his Porshe, not as loved as you now that he thinks about it.

Wearing his flirtatious smile, Baekhyun sways you in his arms, though he allows you to trap him between your body and the car. His arms loosely around your middle and that smile he wears only for you plastered across his face. One that is not faked or forced.

“So–”, you ask, cocking your head in a way, you know, he think it’s adorable after you pulled away from his soft kiss. He leans down for a quick peck and raises an eyebrow, “—where are we going?”

“Hum?” The corner of his smile raise a little mischievously, “Thought you supposed to choose this time?”

“How can I? I was studying this whole time, I completely forgot about it”, he just smiled and nodded with closed eyes as if lost in thoughts

“Alright, alright. I’ll let you off the hook this time, class president. But…”

“But, what?” That playful smile of his and that secretly glint in his eyes when he opens them again

“While you’re with me, you can’t think about grades, school, studies… Any of this. Deal?”

“Deal!”

You try stepping away and he pulls you back.

“Aren’t you missing something?”, you frown

“What?”

Biting his lips with that same playful glint in his eyes, Baekhyun leans close, hovering his lips on yours and it’s a joke on him because having you so close is the reason why his heart is tripping on itself.

“When you make a deal with a devil, you have seal it with a kiss”

The sound of your laughter lights up the empty, dark night around Baekhyun, he’s convinced it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. Baekhyun kisses your laughter and his lips are easily wrapped around your smile until your arms are around his neck again. It’s so easy for him to get lost whenever he kisses you, it’s always the same as the first time.

He’s melting and surrounded by everything that is you and his heart never fails to pick up a dangerous pace, especially when your hands are gripping tightly on his shoulder, his arm, his shirt, just anywhere you reach out to first. The butterflies in his stomach persist when you smile at him when he pulls away and his hand naturally reaches down for yours, pulling you to walk along with him and away from the car.

“You won’t drive?” You ask, leaning against him and pushing him to the side while he walks playfully.

He tries to hold back a smile, trying to not get too swayed by this warm familiarity and sweet, but then his eyes smile for him and soon that smile is pulling on the corners of his lips easily. Baekhyun steals a glance at you smile and presses his lips to keep him from smile.

“Where are we going? Is it close?”

“You’ll see!”

“You’re really leaving your precious Porshe behind?” You look back and that’s when he lace his arm around you, while the two of you still walk, leaning to place a kiss your temple.

“I have something even more precious right here!” He speaks in a mocking tone and you glance suspiciously at him, causing him to pitch your cheek playfully.

“Just trust me”

Only with Baekhyun you could experience certain kind of things. He’s like your borrowed pair of wings, something special that you had to trim long ago to fit in a pattern to achieve your dream. But Baekhyun’s there, his wings are wide open and is always ready to fly when you ask him to. You need him, no one else can give this freedom and he’s stupid enough to only use them for you because he’s stupid enough to not see them.

That’s the reason why he can’t fit where you belong, the reason why his potential of achieving high scores easily, being a good student and having a bright future like everyone else in that classroom fails to be anything more than just a potential.

That’s something you suspected before, but tempted him with just to see if he’d really let himself fit in this pattern you place yourself or ignore completely. On the opposite way, there’s you and you won’t allow your wings to grow.

***

Running faceless around these streets tastes like freedom for Baekhyun and his heart flies because you’re with him, taking the risks with him, allowing him to be yours and being only his, at least for now, but he doesn’t want to think about this detail.

There’s never a time Baekhyun thought life could ever smile the way it does to him right now, he knows this town like the back of his hands, the good, the bad, the nasty and all the horrors people close their eyes to thanks to Mr. Kim’s family business. But when you’re are with him he discovers a different path even though he’s walking on the same sidewalk he did many times before.

What’s in you to turn this cold-hearted place into a perfect paradise for him, he can’t really tell, but he’s intoxicated by it. He knows this can turn into a bad joke, but the more he thinks about it, the more he tries to consider and in the end, you win, you always win. This is far better than he could ever get in this crappy life of his anyway. That professor was right, his future is predictable and there’s nothing to expect besides what he already knows and Baekhyun doesn’t look into salvation any more than what you give him.

City lights, cars racing on roads, fresh air of early the morning. The city never sleeps, really. It’s magical when you’re at the right place, with the right person among the heartless concrete jungle. It’s cold, so Baekhyun lets you nest yourself against him, with his jacket and arms around you, your face hidden on his chest and arms under his jacket, palms pressing on his back against the fabric of his shirt.

The sky has a pale-blue color, something that resembles the sun peaks from behind the clouds. Baekhyun could never feel so blessed and it hurts to think it’s almost over, he wishes time could just stop, right here. He wants to save, to protect this happiness at all costs.

He kisses the top of your head and closes his eyes, trying to memorize the smell of your hair or the way you your warm hand on his back, how it feels to have your head leaning on his shoulder, the sound of your quiet breathing or the way you trace a tattoo he has on his ribcage, your fingertip traces it precisely even if you can’t see it. Baekhyun asks himself how many others you know so well.

“This one–”, you ask quietly and your voices almost fails to get to him, being carried easily by the wind, “Why do you have an hexagon tattooed?”, he hums and lick his lips, taking a deep breathe to reply without drifting into unnecessary memories

“Oh! It’s a symbol of friendship”

“I never heard that before. Are you making it up?”, he scoffs

“Hey, when did I ever lie to you?” You look at him and he’s already looking at you, his eyes are so easy for you to read

“Is it a bad memory? I’m sorry”

“It’s in the past”, that’s not what his voice says, “It’s a hexagon because we were six. We grew up together and all. We’re four now. Jongdae, Yixing, Minseok and myself.”

“So, I was right. You do have loyal friends. You’re really lucky, Byun Baekhyun”

And there it goes, his heart doing that thing again. When you look up and smile at him, Baekhyun can’t hold himself back and before he knows he’s tasting your lips again. This kiss is chaste and warm despite the coldness that surrounds the both of you. Baekhyun knows how lucky he is.

***

Monday is packed, even during lunch break you can’t meet Baekhyun since you’re busy with some chores. After school you leave for cram school, not too stressed or worried about the quiz anymore. The end of the first semester approaches and you see how the homeroom teacher is displeased but can’t say anything about Baekhyun’s presence.

Nothing changes much, but he doesn’t stop going to school and you see him every day in class like this, sometimes during the weekend when everything is too much and you need him to lend you his wings.

“The results came up today”, you told him when you met him on your way home from cram school that night, “I got first place. Thanks to you”

“I didn’t do anything”, he replied with a half-smiled, “You worked hard. Should we commemorate this properly?”

“Huh? With what?”

“You trust me, right?”

“Is that even a question worth asking?”

“I have to ask anyway. Because I want to introduce you to some people I trust”

“Oh, wait! Isn’t your family, right? I mean, your brother–”

“Hey~ I’m not that stupid! I mean my friends, those three people I told you about. You already know Jongdae, but I should introduce you to the others properly”, you notice the trouble expression he tries to hide with a weak smile

“Why do I feel there’s something about it?” He sighs

“Just in case you need help with something urgent and I can’t come. They’ll be there if you need too”

***

That was already a little odd, but it wasn’t until after you met his friends at the penthouse on a company building Minseok’s the CEO of that you really suspected something’s wrong, .you saw his worried expression that night when you slept over and again he started to show up injured soon after. He started to get in class late and leave early every now and then, until the point where he wouldn’t show up at all, but if you needed him, he wouldn’t say no.

Again, you focused on yourself and the end of semester’s duties, seeing him less than before when you saw the news about his father’s business finally being under serious investigation and something about his older brother, Suho. Baekhyun wasn’t mentioned, but you knew something was going on and you decided to keep your safe distance the moment you got better scholarship offers after scoring a good position at the national ranking along with Chanyeol and people started to look up to the two of you even more.

Baekhyun, besides his freedom to just be, what else can he offer to you? You caught yourself thinking during one of the self-study sessions in school, you glanced back at his desk, he wouldn’t come today either. It was becoming easy to not ask for him to come except when you really need him, even though he asks you, he can’t say anything back when he knows you’re busy.

***

The first semester passed really fast indeed, and school break came with relief and anxiety for those that like you and your classmates has a lot to look into. The last year the group would stick together after so long, after that everyone would go to different places, different lives. Things change too fast and the realization can come quite late, like your relationship with Baekhyun.

Someone in your class proposes a trip for the class, a few good, lasting memories before going different ways and, since everyone was together the homework could done much easily in group, but everyone knew the last one’s more like an excuse for the any of their parent’s questions.

There are a few rules to this trip, but the most stressed is the first one: Baekhyun can’t go. Something he knew before you told him and didn’t seem to lament about it not hold a rage. He even pulls up a few cards from his sleeves, helping you find a good and strangely affordable place for the group to stay during the trip to Japan. When you get there you realize that seeing pictures and videos online doesn’t make justice to the real thing and you wonder if a two weeks would be enough to enjoy everything the place has to offer.

To Baekhyun:  
We arrived safely. Your friend came to see greet us

You texted him once everyone else was settled and you managed to get some time to yourself. The studying could wait a little, there’s just too much to see, too much to buy and to do everywhere and you just prone to enjoy every bit of it. 

School break, like everything else, means different things depending on where you stand on in life. Whether if you have your future decided or not, if there’s anything you’re looking forward to it or not. For someone so young, being a senior in high school is all about being pressured to choose what seems like one path for the rest of their lives, it’s like standing in a crossword, forbidden to look back or look anywhere else that doesn’t mirror a promising, secure future.

At least that’s how it feels for most of your classmates, for you, your friend, the basketball captain and other players as well that are already having those gloomy expressions when they think that playing basketball is something from the past, since none of their scholarships are related to this passion of theirs. Choosing between heart and mind. It’s tough.

“Y/n! C’mon, I’m hungry!” You friend cries out as you try dressing up as fast as you can

“I’m almost done. Just a moment.”

“I thought everyone was coming”, she speculates, sitting in the middle of your bed and watching you coming back and forth looking for your hairdryer,

“Everyone who paid for the trip came, except for Chanyeol, but–”, you stop and point to the luggage behind her, “Check if my hairdryer is in that bag”

She pulls your bag and starts looking for it, “But?”

“But, what?”, she stops looking and looks at you a little bit annoyed

“About Chanyeol!”

“Ah, yeah! Him. He’ll be here by tomorrow. Why? Is the college boy out?”, you tease her

“It’s not here”, she announces, pushing your bag away, “Look at you! Talking about my love-life as if it’s a basketball game”, you frown playfully

“Actually, I was going for baseball”

“Just hurry up or I’ll leave you here.”

“He’s not out.”, she protests, giving you her own hairdryer, “I’m– just curious”, she shrugs, “He’s been a little weird, hasn’t he? Didn’t you say something about him avoiding you”, she follows after you, “People been talking about you and him. That the two of you should date”, she smirks, “That’d be a score”

You stop drying your hair and looks at her through the mirror.

“Not funny”, she laughs anyway, “And you already know he– doesn’t to me properly”

“Ah, you’re right!”, she sits back down, her eyes wandering as she gets lost in her own thoughts, “Chanyeol’s not the kind of guy who’d ignore his girlfriend like this. He’s a gentleman”

“You still like him, don’t you?”

“No way! I have a boyfriend now!”

“Alright, alright. C’mon, I’m hungry too.”

The two of you arrive just in time for the food to be served. Everyone’s content and talking to each other happily and you think that, in the future, the next time you gather with these people like this, will be during reunions. You wonder how different your life will it be then, if you think carefully, this senior year is just the very start of a completely different life you’ll be leading the moment you choose your life path. But why are you thinking about something like this in a moment like this? Maybe this is one-in-a-lifetime feeling you have with everyone gathered like this outside school, having a good time. It feels like goodbye.

You blink and stop eating, chewing on the food slowly. Really though, next time you see them, who will they be? Who will you be? Will you ever meet them again for sure? It’s nostalgic. Your friend is going to the same college her current boyfriend is, which isn’t the one you have in mind. Baekhyun… Well, you never talked about his with him, really. You don’t really know if he’s going to any college at all even if you encouraged him at first, these kinds of conversation fell back with time and you never attempted to touch the subject again. That’s just not where this thing you have with him goes.

Although this is something important for you, a place where your future belongs, you realize Baekhyun doesn’t fit anywhere. You try not to delve into those thoughts too much, but you find yourself unable to sleep at night because of it. Your friend sleeps soundly on the bed beside yours, but not even the tiredness of the trip nor from the organizational activity you had to do really gets to you.

Slowly, you crawl out of bed and dress something nice and comfortable before heading out of your room, you don’t know where you’re going. But, without Baekhyun to swept you off your feet, it’s only your feet whom you can rely on to set your mind in peace for the night.


	6. Chapter 6

To Baekhyun:  
The night in Japan’s countryside is beautiful. 

Before you notice, you’re sending the message to him without a second thought and, as always, his reply comes shortly after.

From Baekhyun:  
Why? Having problems with something? Is anyone giving you a headache over there?

You smile to yourself before typing a reply. Your footsteps matches other few strangers around you, family, friends and lovers that you see having fun with each other in the restaurants and stores that are still open for business even, though it’s late. You see a few of your friends, but you avoid them this time, deciding to keep this small talk with Baekhyun instead.

It doesn’t last long. Soon enough you’re finding a way, a poor excuse, to end the conversation, deciding that a quiet moment to yourself is what you need. Baekhyun isn’t really what you want when he’s not around and there’s nothing he can help you with at the moment. In short, you don’t need him, you need this, some quiet, peaceful and soothing time. Something Baekhyun never really offers to you, you just can’t see that in him.

It’s just when you stop to look back, to make sure you’ll remember the way back to the hotel, that you realize how far you came. Remembering the way won’t be a problem, the hotel is on the top of a hill, the way is safe even if it’s night, so you just keep walking ahead with the only difference of pulling your jacket closer to your body. The cold night wind has a particular smell that resembles something that makes you happy, though you can’t really tell what it is, the nice weather actually warms you a little, giving you this fuzzy feeling of welcome and gentleness. You really love this place.

The sounds of squeaking shoes on the floor and the particular sound of the ball hitting the floor are familiar to you, you grew accustomed to this kind of sounds since you’ve been the basketball team’s manager for so long. Something that started as a joke with the person that is now the team’s captain ended up being something you liked and took it seriously.

Without realizing you walk towards these sounds and you see just what you expect, two boys playing basketball. However, what you don’t expect is seeing them playing as if they’re at NBA’s playoffs or something, they’re so eager to win over each other. You walk closer, admiring their ability and can’t avoid a gasp of surprise when you recognize that one of them is none other than…

“Chanyeol?”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Chanyeol tells himself that’s his mind playing tricks on him even when he’s so focused on the game. Your voice, carried by the wind sounds much like he remembers when you whispered his name that day. Then, he makes the mistake to look up and just dumly stare at you, which gives enough time to his opponent to score easily. As the other celebrates by himself, Chanyeol stands there, just for a moment, his eyes widen a bit when he sees you standing there, feeling his cheeks burn a little and something stuck in his throat. He’s panting, exhausted because of the game, the other guy, obviously older than him.

“I thought you said you were better than me now?”

The older smirks and hooks his arm on Chanyeol’s neck and drags him away, unaware of you or the way Chanyeol’s eyes has a hard time looking away from where you stand. The friend keeps provoking him, misinterpreting his silent. You barely listen what they’re talking and walks closer to make sure you didn’t see it wrong.

“Park Chanyeol?”

The older guy still has his arm hooked around Chanyeol’s neck, he stops talk to the all-too-quiet Chanyeol under his hold and both of them turn to look at you. While Chanyeol is still lost in his own feelings you look up at the other stranger, ready to apologize for the interrupting the game. It’s only then when you recognize him too, you couldn’t tell from afar when he’s dressed casually instead of that expensive suit you saw him wearing when he personally welcomed you and the group at the hotel earlier upon your arrival.

“Y/n!”

Kris smiles brightly, loosening his hold on Chanyeol, enough for the boy stand straight, both of them out of breathe.

“Is there something wrong? Any problems at the hotel?” He frowns a little and looks behind around, taking a deep breathe, “Are you lost?”

“Uhm…”, you look around embarrassed, “Yeah, I guess so”, you scratch the back of your head, “But I’m pretty sure I can find my way back”, you nod in reassurement, “And the hotel is great, I can’t thank you enough for having us”

Kris nods and his eyes slides to Chanyeol, following yours and his lips part in understanding when he sees the daze in his friend’s eyes. He has to hide his amusement, but a well-knowing, subtle smile appears on his lips.

“You don’t need to thank me”, he says in a polite, but business-like well-rehearsed tone, that different that one might think doesn’t sound annoying or forced, “I’m glad you’re enjoying your stay and if you really ever have a problem, don’t hesitate in letting me know, but–”

He trails off, smile a wider this time, just enough to seem more friendly and casual as he tone starts to imply. Kris pats Chanyeol’s back in a way that is casual to you, but reassuring and induces courage into his friend before pulling his hand away.

“For anything else, Chanyeol’s a much better company than me. He knows the place even better than me, so you’re in good hands”

He picks up his jacket and leaves, sparing a friendly wave at you and Chanyeol before walking into one of the gorgeous houses surrounding the park. You look at Chanyeol who avert his eyes away from you, licking the sweat off his lips and takes off his cap to push his messy hair back the best he can.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to spoil your game”

You don’t mean to stutter, but being alone with Chanyeol feels weird when you can see he’s looking for the best way he can to escape. It occurs to you if you should you use this opportunity to clean things once and for all between the two of you, but Chanyeol seems uncomfortable and you remember than soon enough this won’t matter since you probably won’t see him after the end of this next semester anyway.

“Ah, no!” He bites the inside of his cheek of being in such a hurry to talk, but his words just kept coming out, wavering in hesitancy. “We’ve been playing for quite a while. I was about to ask for a break–”, he scratches the back of his head a little embarrassed, “It’s not like I can beat him at an one-on-one anyways”

“It looked pretty tied to me”, you confess as you approach him, “I distracted you, I’m sorry”

Chanyeol looks away to hide the crimson red blush that spreads from somewhere under his loose shirt and despite the cold weather, he’s feeling quite hot. Busying himself with taking the ball off the ground he gives himself sometime to cool off and placing on his jacket, laying on the bench.

“No, it’s okay. Really”, he licks his lips and places the ball a little too careful on the bench on top of his jacket. He takes a second to turn and look at you, “How– How about a drink? Something warm since it’s cold”, his words are still hesitant and he cringes at them and he regrets right after, but you nod.

“Sounds good to me”

Silly enough, that surprises him. His eyes open wide and for a moment he doesn’t quite know what to do with himself.

“Ah, good! I’ll– be right back”

Chanyeol fumbles with his feet a little clumsily and he doesn’t quite know what to do with his hands

“The machine is right there”, he points at the vending machine standing at one corner of the park not too far, you can see part of it, the other part is hidden by one of the park’s toys for kids

He’s already walking away when he realizes the money he has is in his jacket. He stops and turns only to realize that you’re closer than he thought and his breathe gets caught in his throat making him choke. You frown in concern as he look away coughing, you reach to pat his back, but that only makes him a little more nervous. Chanyeol words are rushed and he can’t look at you as he speaks again.

“Wait here. I mean on the bench is more comfortable. I’ll be right back”

You hold the ball as he takes his jacket with him, taking large steps to the machine and as soon as he gets there he crouches on the floor, regretting and cringing at his childlike behavior. Why can’t he act like a normal human being when he’s next to you?

When he comes back, you’re sitting on the bench, playing with the ball in your hands. Chanyeol takes a deep breathe before approaching and sitting next to you.

“Here”, he offers you a hot cocoa drink

“Thank you”, you notice his soda then, “What if you catch a cold?” You point at the can in his hands while cupping yours in your hands to warm them a little.

“Ah, don’t worry. I’m not that cold. I’ve been playing for a while”

You watch him open and take a big gulp on his drink before opening yours too and Chanyeol tries not to seem obvious when looking at you while you’re drinking.

“Is everything really okay?” You hum questioningly and looks at him, “I mean… For you to be walking around like this”

“Ah! Yes, it’s fine”, you cup the warm can on your hands again and takes a deep breathe, looking away from him, “I don’t know why I’ve been thinking a little too much lately and I can’t sleep. I thought it’d help if I walked around a bit”, when you look back at Chanyeol, he’s caught staring and looks away, drinking his soda and chokes again, and again you pat his back, “Are you okay?”

“Uhm. Sure, sure. I just–”, he has to let out another string of coughs, feeling stupid he clears his throat once he’s feeling better, “I’m okay”, he clears his throat again.

The cold soda can freezes his hands, so Chanyeol places it on the bench beside him and rubs his hands with his eyes on them, too worried to look dumbstruck yet again to you.

“I guess, the season and the fact that we are at a turning point–”, he starts, “These things gets to us easily”, hesitantly he looks at you, “I think about those things at night too”

“I thought I was overthinking”

“Maybe we are”, you chuckle and nod at the thought that someday you can think back and ridicule your own thoughts.

There’s a small pause and you don’t notice Chanyeol is staring at you again as you take another sip on your drink. He really doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s with you.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you”, you speak up and he blinks

“Wh– What is it?”

“I want to apologize”, you look at him and he can feel his heart skip a beat

You turn to him a little and he’s glad there’s some distance between the two of you because it’s already hard for him to breath as it is.

“Apologize?” He frowns, “For what?”

“About that day when you took me off the way from those officers chase. I– I’m sorry if–”

“No. Wait. Why’d you apologize for that?”

“I thought, somehow I offended you back then. You’ve been avoiding me since that day.”

Chanyeol remembers that day clearly, how his heart stumbled when he realized how close you where. He never really tried to look at you and see how beautiful you are. He couldn’t understand why it was so hard to let go of you back then, how good it felt having you close to him or how tempting it was when you looked up at him and your breath fanned over his lips and he had to stop himself. Since then, everytime he sees you it’s the same thing and by now it hurts a little too much already, so he tried keeping his distance. As stupid as it sounds, he doesn’t want to get a ‘no’ for answer.

Honest to the heavens, Chanyeol didn’t thought what he felt that day would turn into anything. That night, at home, he thought everything would be back to normal the next day, but after a sleepless night where that moment kept replaying before his eyes, either if he kept them open or not, in many different ways… The moment you walked in class and his heart stumbled dangerously in his chest he became a little worried about it.

“You didn’t do anything!” He rushes to say, looking directly at you

What could he possibly say to you? There’s absolutely no way in hell he’d tell the truth and he looks at his hands, trying to make up a good excuse.

“I thought I overreacted that day. I thought maybe I offended you”

It’s partially the truth, he was afraid you heard his heart beating because he could hear, he though you noticed him blushing and somehow could make things awkward.

“If it weren’t for you I’d be hurt. I’m not offended.”

“Still, I’m sorry I avoided you”

“Apology accepted”, you say it playfully and he smiles at you, “The homeroom teacher said you had an urgent matter to attend before coming. Did everything turn alright?”

“Ah, yes. I was offered a scholarship and the conditions are… Well, they’re really one of a kind, but–”, Chanyeol pulls on his lower lip worryingly before sighing at his reasons.

“You couldn’t say yes?” He sighed and nodded, hanging his head low.

“They said I have time to decide, so they’ll wait until the applications are closed. Stupid decision, right?”

“If it’s an stupid decision what you did, I wonder what mine was”, he raises his head to look at you

“Yours?” You hum, tapping on the hot cocoa can in your hand with your nail distractingly

“The homeroom teacher called me in his room and the college representative was there. She proposed a lot, but I just– I couldn’t say yes to it. I mean, I’ve been waiting for that opportunity for so long, but–”

You gulp down and the weak smile you wear makes you took lifeless, but you don’t mind. You didn’t realize how much that has been bothering you and how nice it is to speak with someone who really understands instead of judging you like your parents and your friends, or tries to simply comfort and distract you as Baekhyun would.

“She said, they would wait for a proper response after the graduation ceremony”, you nod to yourself in a dismissive manner as you look up at the empty street before you, “But, somehow, I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong decision”

There’s a small silence, a mutual comprehension shared between the two of you. You realize all these bothering thought you’ve been having was born there, from this one. All your doubts, all your insecurities originated from this one thing and you know Chanyeol has been battling his own thoughts almost in the same way. You know, he’s feeling the same way you do, but it’s all too much to put in words, so this quietness is a mutual understanding that, strangely enough, don’t need words for each of you to be understood by the other. Both of you know the problem won’t disappear, but it’s less buderning, it heals the anxious feeling and the agitated state of mind both of you has been dealing with.

“It feels like a trap, right?”

“Huh?” You look up to Chanyeol and he pulls his cap higher, some droplets of sweat run down his face

“I mean, if you say yes, then you have all that and probably the career you want, but you wonder if there’s anything better”, he sighs and takes off his cap and stares at it without really seeing, “You keep asking: is this really what I want? Have I ever wanted something different?”

His damped hair with sweat stick to his forehead, a few strands falls on his eyes, you never saw that expression on anyone else but you when you’re alone, looking in the mirror. It’s the same sorrowfulness, same distress, same uncertainty, it’s all there.

“But then, if you say no and regret. How bad can it be? How fast can you recover? And people– They’ll talk about it and that can be either the best or worst decision we could ever make–”, he trails off, “We start questioning too much.”

He looks at you and gasps in surprise with a shy smile, he scratches the back of his head while sitting back on the bench and you try pulling yourself together again because you’ve been staring at him this whole time.

“I’m sorry, I’m just blabbing here”

“No, you’re right. I have the same thoughts I just… Couldn’t voice them like you just did.”

“It’s good to know I’m not paranoid”

“Well, maybe we are”, you quote him and he chuckles

Despite him still being shy, it’s easy talking to Chanyeol. He understands what you mean with little words and complements them and you see yourself doing the same. It’s not long before the two of you are talking freely about less burdening topics, smiling and laughing to each other as if the two of you are picking up from before.

That night he walks you back to the hotel and has to go back to Kris’ house, but when you’re in your room and curiously walk to balcony, you see him glancing back and waving at you, you wave back.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

When you go downstairs for breakfast that morning you meet Chanyeol even if it’s bright and early in the morning. He helps you wake up the others and settle the schedule since he knows the place very well. Nothing else is really important during the rest of the day, it’s all laughter and good memories and it’s only almost by the end of the day when you remember to text Baekhyun again, he always replies right away.

You’re about to reply when you’re pulled by the others to team up with Chanyeol for a game since it’d be such a problem if he and the basketball’s team captain got together in a game that is basically that, so Baekhyun’s reply is left unread, your phone’s practically forgotten in the pocket of your jacket.

Chanyeol knows he’s good at achieving any goal as long as he sets his mind to it, but when it comes to you, he lacks confidence. You’re the only one thing that he just can’t get himself to try a little harder, his confidence fails everytime he sees you, he has never been so scared of a single word before. He can’t bear the thought of you saying ‘no’ to him and he doesn’t mind if, out of everything, he doesn’t mind being called a coward for pretending that everything is all right now that he supposedly cleared his reasons for being distant.

Obviously, as good teammates and friends they are, the basketball team just can’t get any of it. Not just them, but Chanyeol is obvious enough that everyone but you notices, even stranger, in a glance can see it how it looks like a one-sided love. Yes, it is that cringe-worthy and frustrating for them to just stand there and watch, especially when there’s no secret that they root for the two of you. Naturally, Chanyeol’s closest friend, his teammates, decides to help and soon enough they manage to get everyone away as an excuse to get them to explore the festival, leaving you and Chanyeol alone.

“I hope they don’t get into trouble”, you mutter to yourself as you pick up your phone, swiping Baekhyun unread message off your screen without really paying attention to it, “I’ll send them a text to keep their phone in hand and call if something comes up”, the two of you walk side by side down the a beautiful, yet crowdy surroundings, “Sometimes I feel like I’m looking out for a bunch of elementary school students”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay”, Chanyeol bites his lips seeing you send the message in the group’s chatroom and his own phone vibrates on his pocket.

He looks away and his eyes meet the team’s captain who’s leaving in a group with other boys.

“Do something!” The boy mouths to him, making wide gesture, his frustration is shown, “Guide her around!”

Another one of the classmates, points to a tent where there was some kind of game you’d probably like and both of them hurry Chanyeol to take action with wide, frustrated gestures. The ever so hesitant and shy Chanyeol starts taking you around, explaining little things about the festival and local traditions and his heart stumbles every time you smile to him. You take his hand to drag him somewhere and he wishes he wouldn’t tremble, but that’s a side effect of touching you, you say something about how you’ve wanted to try one of the festival’s local treat you heard about and he finds it for you.

The festival ends with beautiful fireworks and by then everyone’s gathered again at one spot to see the spectacle. The fireworks lights up the night and you stare at them, coloring the sky beautifully while Chanyeol found the perfect spot for the group to watch the show. But, he can’t really look anywhere else but you. The way those fireworks light up your features when you’re sitting right beside him… he just can’t look away and he’s too dazzled to even pretend he’s not staring when you look at him. He simply smiles, embarrassed for being caught, but all you do is smile back and look up again.

He can’t understand how easily he felt for you, he thought if he kept his distance, then someone like him, who’s bad at hiding his feelings, wouldn’t burden you. The problem is having this opportunity and being with you, he can hear his heart questioning him, he can feel himself getting greedy and he wants to hold back, but you’d probably never know how hard it is when you look so good just… Being there. Just smiling, just being yourself.

Chanyeol has to pull himself back, he has to step away from you and bite his tongue, he makes sure to not be close to you all the time when everyone is enjoying themselves. He sits with the other boys and thought he gets annoyed by their scolding for being slow, for not doing anything. Still, that’s better than being beside you, afraid he’d say something.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

“No, wait”

The basketball team shifts on his feet, ignoring the fireworks and paying attention to Chanyeol instead after the boy told him why he won’t tell you he likes you.

“Are you… serious about this?” The other asks in disbelief as the rest of the team watches in curiosity, “Chanyeol! We all know you’re a freaking genius, but you’re being a complete idiot right now”

The boys are visibly frustrated with Chanyeol’s choice of just stay by your side like that.

“Hyung–”, one of the junior whines, “This doesn’t even work on TV”

“The two of you are thinking about different career paths. You said you might even study abroad, so it’s obvious this can be your last chance! What do you have to lose?”, the captain speaks up again

“Actually, we might end up going to the same college… Maybe”, Chanyeol says

“What? How?”

“The homeroom teacher told me”, he shrugs and one of his friends facepalm themselves

“So… You’re waiting for destiny or something?”

“What? No!”

“Then, what? Park Chanyeol! Come to your senses. You can’t do this to yourself!”, grabbing his shoulders, the team’s captain makes Chanyeol look at him, “This trip is an one-of-a-kind, golden ticket from life to you. You should just confess while we’re here and if Y/n says no, move on!” The boy tries to sound as convince as he can, but he sounds a lot more frustrated, “You can just leave everything behind when we get back home. If Y/n says yes, then I sincerely hope the two of you will be happy. We all do”

Chanyeol looks around and sees some of the others nodding or giving him a encouraging smile, but his stomach is turning just by thinking about it. The sounds of the fireworks is loud, but he can hear his heart hammering in his chest, his stomach turns and it kind of makes him feel sick.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

‘I must be out of my mind’ – at least that’s what Chanyeol says while he’s waiting for you.

The boys, and your friend, made this chance happen and he could call it off if he wanted, but for some reason, he didn’t, wants this. He wants this chance to hear distant possible yes from you, although the no is a constant fear, Chanyeol wonders how can a simple word be so threatening.

He wait for you at the balcony of this coffee shop you loved when he was with you in the group the day before, apparently calm and casual, but his leg’s shaking under the table and once in a while he licks his lip. On the table, in front of him, is sitting the third glass of water and the waiter serving him is already pitying him thinking he was dumped, but it’s not that you’re late, he came a little to earlier. He read the time wrong and the guy told him that if he wanted to order something, it’d be on the house.

‘Isn’t this too much?’ – he thought to himself for the tenth time that day. But forgot about it all and lost his ability to breathe properly the moment he saw you walking down the street and pulling the door to the coffee shop. CHanyeol swears his heart is about to jump right out at any given moment and his hands tremble, he only notices when he tries waving just so you’d notice him.

You do notice him and he pulls his hand back to his lap, squeezing them together and only them realizing his palms are sweating like crazy. He wants to make sure he looks nice, he wants to look good for you. Now his whole body is trembling as you step closer with a simple smile on your lips that is just perfectly fit and beautiful on you. Chanyeol’s certain to have never been this nervous in his whole life.

“Are you okay?”, you frown a little while sitting across from him and with the corner of his eyes he sees the waiter glancing, “You look a little… pale”

“N-No, I’m fine”, and now he’s stuttering.

“Maybe we should order something already”, you barely raise your hand and the waiter is already on his way. That kind of helps him a little because it gives him time to calm down

“Where’s everyone?”, you ask and Chanyeol when the waiter leaves, “I thought they’d be here”

“Uhm… They wanted to go somewhere else”, he managed to say without letting his voice waver, “We can leave too– if you want”, he adds soon after

“No, it’s okay. Did you wait too much?” You asks, looking at the glass of water in front of him

“No, not really”, he lies

“Chanyeol, are you sure you’re okay?” You sound worried and he feels terrible, but not out of sickness. Well, discounting his nervous state, “We can go back if you want–”

“I’m alright don’t worry”, he smiles and would pat himself on the back for sounding normal and because his smile didn’t falter, didn’t tremble

“Excuse me”, he waiter says when arrives at the table and lays the orders on the table.

There’s a pause where you focus on your food and Chanyeol wipes his sweaty hands on his jeans before, making sure their not trembling before reaching to his drink.

“Y/n, there’s–- there’s something I want to ask you”, he wets his lips and shift on his seat when you look up curiously at him

All of his hesitation and bottled up anxiety, you can hear it in his voice, he knows it and it makes it all worse. The way the others planned, supposed to be cool and smooth and easy. It is not. It’s anything but any of that. You put your hot cocoa down on the table to pay attention to what he has to say.

Being with Chanyeol is completely different than being Baekhyun. They’re completely different one from another, Chanyeol has gentle and expectant eyes looking for yours. He’s innocent and adorable instead of cocky and the he treats you, the way he understand you. It’s easy yet exciting, it makes you happy even when you don’t need to. It makes you smile wider without the need of you being worried or sad, or stressed. When he pauses to look in your eyes you notice how your heart vacillates unexpectedly.

“Y/n, I–”, he wets his lips, “I like you”


	7. Chapter 7

You couldn’t really understand these stupid butterflies in your stomach or the way you heart tripped on itself before falling into a dangerous unsteady rhythm. This is Chanyeol, the same Chanyeol you studied with the whole year, so why?

“Y/n, even if it’s just for today…”, he blew out the air trapped in lungs, “Please, go out with me… On a date”, the last word comes out more or less strangled and hesitant

Chanyeol doesn’t look nearly as nervous and anxious as he really is, but he can’t even think about taking a bite or drinking any of these things he ordered because of the way his stomach is turning. What he hopes for and what he sees coming are two different things and he braces himself for the worst.

You want to say something, but your words are caught up in your throat because Baekhyun’s face crosses your mind. You don’t wanna do something wrong and you don’t want to stop whatever is going on between you and Baekhyun. It became clear to you there are times when you really need Baekhyun and you know Chanyeol can’t do the same.

Whatever there is between you and him is a secret only for the two of you, otherwise it’d hurt your image and probably cause damage in this future you’re looking into, it doesn’t come as a surprise the thought that Baekhyun most definitely doesn’t fit in this future of yours any more than he fits in your life now.

“You– You don’t need to say yes”, Chanyeol stutters, “Maybe we should try meeting the others, I’m sure they’re shopping somewhere–”, he tries, worried about the short silence

The thoughts that floods your mind caused you to become speechless, pondering between lines that goes far beyond the usual what you want to say and what you should. It’s only a few seconds, but it’s enough for Chanyeol to read your unsaid answer as what he feared the most.

“I’ll pay for these”, he tries a weak smile, ignoring the way his heart sinks to his stomach, leaving a bitter taste on his tongue, “It’s my treat”

“N-No, wait. Chanyeol–”, your force your voice to push its way out of your throat and it comes sounding something akin to whisper as he stands up

“Y/n, I understand”, you can feel your heart breaking by the way he smiles at you sweetly in comprehension, “Don’t worry”

His hands tremble as he pulls away and leaves you sitting there, lost in your own thoughts. ‘A date’- you think to yourself. The times you went out with Baekhyun, you never even thought of it as a date, even though they could look like it. There was sweet and thrilling moments, but you never associated them with romance. You were never nervous about meeting Baekhyun, not even when you escaped from your parents in the middle of the night to meet him, but just the thought of going on a date with Chanyeol makes you feel nervous enough to feel like fidgeting.

Chanyeol is much different than Baekhyun, he fits perfectly. With your friends, in this life you have now, you can picture being with him anywhere, introducing him with anyone without worrying about being pulled back by uncommon issues. Not just that, but he understand you because he has the same worries and same struggles, he could easily fit into tomorrow’s you, this future you’re chasing so desperately.

His only problem is not being able to lent you wings, he can walk beside you in the light instead of sneaking in the darkness. He can hold your hand tight and help you get through your struggles, but he’s so attached to the ground, much like yourself, that he can’t show you an illusory alternative whenever reality becomes too much.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

When the two of you walk out of the coffee shop neither says a word and soon the two of you are just two other people in the middle of a crowd of tourist. You don’t mind about your drink getting cold in your hands, looking down at your feet while walking straight without really paying attention to where you’re going.

“Y/n–”, you raise your head and find Chanyeol’s painful eyes looking at you and even now you’re battling your thoughts, “You don’t need to push yourself”, he explains and you wonder how can he be so calm when he’s so obviously hurt, “We can be just friends like we were before”, he suggest with his adorable smile that contrasts greatly with his eyes, “Don’t overthink”

“Chanyeol–”

You stop and don’t mind the people walking around the two of you, he stops too and turns to look at you, paying close attention to your eyes and whatever he sees there changes that soreful look in his to something bittersweet, but so concealed you can’t read.

“Can I give you answer tomorrow?”

“You don’t really need to–”

“I want to”, you insist firmly, “I want to give you a proper answer and I want to be sure–”, you stop talking before you’d say anything you couldn’t take back

Chanyeol sighs and looks down, blinking a couple times. He tries to battle the dumb hope that tingles him everywhere and tries to convince stop from growing any more than that, but once he looks up at you it’s game over. He knows damn well he’ll be regretting this when the time comes.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎ 

This is something you have to decide on your own, you can’t ask anyone’s opinion and you come across multiple possible outcomes, but this isn’t a multiple answer kind of situation. Theoretically, this should be simple. If you put on the balance what you feel for Chanyeol opposed to what you feel about Baekhyun, it’s pretty obvious. But, then again, the privileges you might lose is not something you want to risk.

Whichever of them you choose, you’ll be losing things you’re not willing to and, if you think about Chanyeol. The thought of hurting him yet again after this afternoon… It unexpectedly hurts you too. You were so close to just forget everything else and say something that you know you’d regret the very next moment. With a deep sigh you lean on the railing of you room’s balcony, staring blankly at the beautiful lights from the small city not too far from the hotel.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You look at your friend as she takes a spot next to you.

“Chanyeol asked me on a date today”

“I know”, you look at her sideways and try kicking her playfully.

“Then why’re you asking?” You whine

“What I want to know is why you said no!” She throws her hands in the air in exasperation. “Do you like anyone else?”

“What? No!”

“Then, why?” She mocks your annoyed tone, you sigh

“It’s… complicated”

“What? College? These crazy ass responsibility you carrying? What?”

“Yeah, that too”

“What else, then?” Now she seems genuinely annoyed, “I heard the boys talking during dinner. The reason why Chanyeol stopped going to practice was because he wanted to get a high score… because of you! He practices basketball alone for the team because he doesn’t want to disappoint you. What else do you want? He really likes you!”

“But…”

“What now?” You sigh tiredly, rolling your eyes at the thought without realizing

“Of course not”

And it’s not until you’re sitting on the chair at one of the corners that a faint remembrance of Baekhyun crosses your mind. Nothing that bugs you or makes you regret or take back what you said, but it’s there, like a ghost. You friend crosses her arms,seeing you getting lost in thoughts.

“Alright”, she says more to herself than to you, “As long as you keep in mind that it’s just a date”, she shrugs, “Y/n, he’s not asking you to marry him or anything. We’re here to make good memories, anyway.”

“I know”, your distant reply makes her sight and walk away.

You stare at the city lights in the distance again. Baekhyun, why are you holding yourself back because of him? - The thought surges at some corner of your mind and another wakes you from swirling into your own mind.

“When did I started looking past Baekhyun’s feelings?” - You ask yourself, surprise by the coldness of your heart in doing it so smoothly. Where you aware of it all the time? Where you fooling yourself? You know he didn’t notice, or did he? - You gulp down, pulling your legs to your chest and leaning your forehead on your knees.

It’s no like any of you promised anything to the other. Boyfriend, friend, classmate, acquittance. Nothing fits Baekhyun. He’s just… Someone, but at the same time he’s more than just that. How about him? What does he think of you? You never cared and, in all honest, it’s not that you really care right now. Even right now your only hesitation is the fear of losing what only him can allow you to have.

You don’t like this. This pressure for answer, this agony of making a decision, you don’t like it. Problem is, you can’t count with anyone to help you, to distract you, to understand you.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎ 

The next morning you wake up too late to have breakfast with the others, your friend left you a note letting you know that they decided to go to another town nearby that supposed to have some kind of attraction going on, she also wrote: “–the team’s captain is going to monitor everyone. Enjoy your day without worrying about everyone!”

“Why didn’t they woke me up?” You mutter to yourself, looking at the memo sticking on the bathroom mirror.

You proceed with your daily routine after throwing the post-it on the trash can and, once you’re ready, you decide to look for breakfast elsewhere since the hotel is no longer serving it at this time of the day. Somehow you find your way to the same coffee shop you met Chanyeol the day before and when you look around for a table, you see Chanyeol at a corner by himself.

You find yourself walking up to him while he’s distracted, typing something on his phone. You’re not so sure of it yet and you’re not certain if you should approach him now or not, but before you notice you’re right beside him.

“Mind if I join you?”

Chanyeol frowns when he looks up at you, surprised, you notice, and instead of anything he places his phone aside while signaling with his other hand that you’re welcomed to take the empty seat in front of him. The waitress comes with Chanyeol’s order and you ask for a cappuccino before she leaves.

“I thought you’d be with the others”

“There’s nothing I wanna see there. Every year is the same”, he shrugs

“You’ve been around here a lot, then”

“My family is friends with Kris’ family. We’ve spent holidays together a lot since we were kids. But… Why– Why didn’t you go?” He blinks a little dumbfounded, “I thought you’d be with them”

You notice him fidgeting with his nails, but when you look at him he’s not looking back at you.

“To be honest, I overslept”, you explain faintly and there’s a small pause that none of you says anything, so you decide to speak up first, “But… If you thought I went, why didn’t you go?” His head snap, his eyes opens wider than usual, “I said I’ll tell you something today–”, you tilt your head a little, “Maybe… Did you thought I was lying?”

“Wha– No!”

Chanyeol jolts back on the chair and his sudden exasperation calls a little too much a attention to the two of you. You look around and he does soon after, embarrassed, he apologizes before speaking to you again in a more calm tone.

“Absolutely not! I really… No, way–”, offer him a small smile

“I’m just kidding”, he sighs in relief while smiling back at you and you sip on the hot drink

“It’s nice if you’re going there for the first time, y’know”, he speaks out of a sudden. 

“Huh?”

“The festival at that city–”, he mentions, waving his hand at a certain direction, “You’d probably like”

Your eyes meet his and you understand what you’ve been debating yourself over and over the whole night is useless. Somehow you knew it’d come to the same answer at the end. It’s okay, this isn’t wrong. Baekhyun didn’t make you feel the way you do with Chanyeol, he does make your heart beat fast, but clearly for completely different reasons, he doesn’t make you feel those stupid butterflies in your stomach. This is fine. This is what you should have, Chanyeol fits you perfectly and you really like him - maybe it could end up being love, who knows? - With Chanyeol you don’t need to sneak and hide, you don’t need excuses to set boundaries between the two of you. With him there’s no pretend.

“Would you take me there, then?” He blinks, leaning forward, “On a date”

It’s the first time you see someone’s eyes lit up like that and your smile grows wider as he smiles with you, you just can’t hold back. You never felt so nervous before, his hands are trembling when he holds yours as the two of you walk out of the coffee shop.

“We may run into the others there”, Chanyeols mentions as the two of you walk the way back to the hotel and when you look at him you find his eyes already on you, inquiring, “Is it alright?”

You tilt your head with a slight pout, looking ahead for a while before looking back at him. The sound of your shoes on the stones asphalt under your feet and the rather quietness of this late morning is so much better now that the two of you are together.

“I don’t see a problem”, you mutter, still wearing that small pout of yours, “Why? You don’t want to?” His lips stretch in a small smile, but soon his smile grows wider as he shakes his head

“I was just worried you wouldn’t want them to know, that’s all.”

With a smile you wrap one of your arms around his, walking closer to him as his hand still holds yours firmly, despite his sweaty palm. He tried to pull away before, he wiped the sweat off his hands before, but it’s not like you’re sensible or grossed by something like that when you’ve been surrounded by sweaty boys for three years already in that basketball club. It has it’s romantic touch to it, if you think about it, he’s that nervous because he feels the same about you, he likes you the same.

“I don’t see a reason for that”

“I’m glad”, he replies, intertwining his fingers with yours.

You know fairly well the two of you look silly, stealing glances and smiling at each other like that. You don’t mind, neither does Chanyeol.


	8. Chapter 8

You check yourself three, four times before leaving your room. A excited smile plays insistingly on lips although you try to tone it down because it looks way too silly and unnecessary.

“It’s just one date”, you tell yourself, ignoring the saddening thought of it.

You don’t want to be delusional since that was all Chanyeol asked for in the first place. You don’t want to pessimist, but what if something goes wrong and he decides he had enough with it, that he doesn’t really likes you after all.

Alright, so maybe you’re overthinking, but, then again, you don’t want to delude yourself into expecting something more out of it just so you can get disappointed. It’s not Chanyeol the only one who could change his mind.

When you think about that day when he took you off the way from a incident where both of you could get hurt, you do recall the feeling of your face heating up and your heart going on a strange loop when you looked up and saw him so close, in fact, it was the first time you really looked at him and understood why your friend has been hooked on him for so long. If you compare with how you looked at Baekhyun that night when you, more or less took care of him, it was different.

With Baekhyun, you analysed him, you thought that you were helping him and what you got wasn’t exactly what you were looking for, but it felt so new and too tempting to turn down, something fitting that you didn’t really knew you needed. With Chanyeol, you just saw him and nothing else, in fact, you couldn’t even think with the way your mind just seemed to stop functioning altogether and, at that time, you blamed on the sudden adrenaline rush of the moment.

Now you kind of understand that’s a very poor excuse for whatever that really was… or is. Either way, you can’t just count on it, whatever it is, since this strange feeling, seemed to be dormant for quite a long time as your life went on. You admit that after you saw Chanyeol under a different perspective, you now fully recognizes the attempts to apologize to him as ways to approach, to talk to him. You always tried to stay close a bit more when you had to because of the duties both of you have as class representatives, he always seemed to run as soon as he could, though.

You’re blink and shake your head, trying to clear your head from it all, all those thoughts are just making you all the more nervous. After checking yourself once again you walk out of the room to meet Chanyeol at hotel lobby. His head snap up and he smiles as soon as he sees you.

It’s rather awkward right at the start, but not uncomfortable, you like it. Now, if it was Baekhyun he’d probably have a car ready or something, obviously he’s still not allowed to drive like that, specially in a foreigner country, but it doesn’t mean he wouldn’t or that he’d care about this… small, insignificant detail. But, this is Chanyeol the transportation method he chooses is a train, not that it bothers you anyway or makes you think you’re missing something, this is perfect for you.

When you get there, obviously, you have no idea of what to do, where to go, but Chanyeol knows the place well enough and you end up having up going at these places you’d never find by yourself or in a group of tourists. As the day goes on you find yourself feeling more and more comfortable around Chanyeol, it gets less awkward and more natural and by the start of the evening he’s holding your hand, and your fingers are intertwined as you walk by the street as the streetlight begin to light up the way along with the commemorative lanterns hung up along the way.

“Y/n!”

You turn around to see your friend rushing her way towards you and both, you and Chanyeol’s, first reaction is pulling back your hands.

“Chanyeol!”

“Hi”, he greeted

“I thought you wouldn’t come”, she gave you an knowing smile

“Where are the others?” You tried diverting the conversation

“Oh, they’re–”, she trails off when she turns around and the three of you sees the others approaching

“We’re heading to the festival now”, one of Chanyeol’s friends says when he’s close enough, “Are you coming too?”

“We’re on our way there”

“You know–”, the team’s captain starts with a suggestive smile, “I heard the shrine sells these very famous love blessing charms there…”, he shrugs, “I don’t know, but maybe the two of you would want to have it”

You’re too busy looking away with the way your face heats up in a shade of pink to notice Chanyeol trying to make the other boy stop, only causing everyone to laugh at the whole situation.

Of course, the next couple of hours the others find a way to bother the two of you some more only to disappear somewhere after making excuses and leaving you and Chanyeol alone again to enjoy the rest of your date at night.

“I guess they got bored”, you mention once the last one of them leaves and Chanyeol chuckles, you look at him and he’s stripping down his jacket, “What are you doing?”

“It’s getting cold”, he says and hesitantly steps back to place his jacket over your shoulders, “The higher we climb in the mountains the colder we get”

“And how about you?”

“I’m okay. Don’t worry”, he guarantees as he places his jacket over your shoulders before stepping in front of your again, “Uhm… excuse me”, hesitantly he arranges your scarf

When your eyes meet his you know the heat on your cheeks has nothing to do with the scarf or his jacket. Later when the fireworks light up the sky it’s different, you’re sitting down somewhere quiet, cuddle beside Chanyeol, with your head on his shoulder.

“Y/n–”, he calls your name hesitantly and you try pulling back, “No, stay like this, please”, he adds quickly afterwards as if he’s pleading, with his head ever so light on your head, you relax he his hand go back to hold yours, he’s… hesitant.

“Okay”, you speak just so he can go on

“I– I know this might be too soon to ask”, he licks his lips, trying to control his nervousness, “But, when we get back home… You think that maybe we could–”

“Go out on another date?” He smiles when you speak so easily what he’s struggling to say

“Yeah” You pull back just to look at him with a smile

“I’d really like to”

His smile mirrors yours and your completely gone the moment you kiss him. You don’t about anything but that moment, you don’t even compare to Baekhyun’s, actually, for the whole day you didn’t even thought about him.

Somehow the trip, the village, the hotel, everything has a different tone, better and much more meaningful memories are created. For the first time in what feels like forever you don’t just divert or try to forget problems for a moment, they just simply don’t even reach you. There’s nothing to worry about, you just need to have fun with your friends and Chanyeol.

With Chanyeol you can hold hands in public without being afraid of anyone knowing, he can steal a peck with the only risk to be seen by the others and get teased about it, causing your skin to be tinted with a crimson color. Chanyeol’s arms around you, his shy whispers that slowly gains confidence, his hands that always trembles when touch you, all of that is Chanyeol only. No one else has what Chanyeol has, you really like him, more than you can really put into those words.

Those few weeks go by a little too fast for you and both, you and Chanyeol share a secret fear the other is completely unaware of. The fear of this ending when the planes lands or maybe earlier. Both of you are already hesitant during that morning’s breakfast, hesitant to approach too much, to say too much, do a little more than necessary but still to not be so half-hearted because both of you want the other to know you still want to be by their sides. Problem is, both of you can’t see past your fears, the judgement is tainted. And instead of talking about it, both of you just drag things on like that.

“There they go again”, your friend says out loud, watching you and Chanyeol from afar, the captain’s – the person she’s talking to – scoffs and shakes his head.

“Why are they like that, though? I thought they’re fine!”, he clicks his tongue, “Did they fought or something?” She shrugs

In the plane, Chanyeol’s seat is far from yours and after much insistence, his friends get a response to the problem and though they try to assure him about the situation, all they get is frustration. Until they, somehow, get the both of you sitting side by side and something about the small talks, the way Chanyeol holds your hand, the way he smiles at you. Everything gets better without a fuss. Yes, eventually everyone has to get back to their seat, but it doesn’t matter after everything’s sorted out.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

Maybe you should meet Baekhyun after arriving, you don’t know for sure. You’re too busy going on open-air dates with Chanyeol, both of you share similar interest in a few things and none of the parts cares about sharing this or that with the other. Everything is new and dream-like as the two of you get to know each other.

There’s only a few days before school starts again, the last semester of high school of your lives, both of you know you’d have to have answers about college as soon as possible and for the first time, not only for you, but for Chanyeol as well, it’s easy to talk without feeling like there’s the weight of the world on your shoulders. It’s easy and you didn’t had to run from it not a single moment, you feel much healthier like this.

Baekhyun messages…They became inconvenient at some point and it has been a while since you blocked notifications from him and you ended up forgetting to reply.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

School’s second semester starts! Oddly enough, it’s not threatening as it supposed to be to you, no matter how you think about it. You have Chanyeol by your side and this is the only place the two of you have to hold back or the homeroom teacher wouldn’t let you nor him hear the end of it, but it’s not like it’s actually a secret.

The moment you see Baekhyun back in class is when you finally remember him, but this time you ignore him before he could avert his eyes from you. You have Chanyeol and Baekhyun and you can’t deny you’re postponing the time you have to decide.

Everyone knows during lunch you’d usually take care of a few duties just so you wouldn’t be caught up on it afterwards. Actually, that’s a lie that you use to meet Baekhyun, but this first day back, when you receive Baekhyun’s text, you hesitate, staring at the screen, not really reading the message, you just stare blankly at the screen.

“You have something to take care of something, right?”

You look up to see Chanyeol and he smiles one of your favorite warm smiles, seeing you blink your way back into reality.

“I know”, he nods, “Make sure to eat something from your lunchbox not just from the machine, alright?” He half nags and you pout

“I know~”, he chuckles and pitches your cheek playfully

“If you need me I’ll be at the gym with the team”, you nod

Chanyeol steals a quick peck as he stands up to leave and you can’t avoid to smile back at him as silly the two of you usually are at any given sweet moments.

You sneak your way upstairs, to the old art classroom, you walk in carefully to not make a sound and sees Baekhyun checking his phone and sighing while sitting down, leaning his back against the short balcony wall. Unconsciously you lips form a small smile at his frown as he starts to unpack the lunch.

“Did you miss me?” You ask, leaning against the door

Your question comes out rather playfully, but it’s somewhat meaningful too and the answer is clear when Baekhyun looks up at you as if he wasn’t really expecting to see you. He lips part, forming a smile of his own as he admires the one you’re offering him. He thinks that’s one of the most adorable smiles you have, his eyes sparkle.

So, yes. He missed you like crazy and seeing you again is much like falling for you all over again, harder. You’re back. His most favorite addiction is finally before his eyes again, finally feels like he can breathe in peace again. He doesn’t feel anxious anymore or worried, everything that has been bothering, bugging him just… disappear, it’s that simple.

Baekhyun shifts and is on his feet and in no time his arms are holding you off the floor, against him and his lips are pressed against yours, urgent and eager to show how much he missed you, stealing the breath your of your lungs. You have to admit to yourself that you missed him and you realize this easily enough as you let your fingers tangle on his black, neatly brushed hair. You realize it won’t be as easy to choose.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

“You’re back in school?” He quirk his brows with a careless shrug, sneaking his hands to hold yours while you lean against his chest as the two of you share your lunches.

He doesn’t want to say anything, but this is just might be for today because he missed you and he knows you’ve been busy with your own life. He never expected for you to give anymore attention, he never blamed you, never resented you for not replying or not calling him. But deep down he was worried you… just… wouldn’t want him anymore. So, this is just the result of his addicted, desperate– self. He won’t say it, though. He won’t admit.

“How was the trip?” You smile to yourself, turning your face away from him as you focus on unpacking your lunch properly and mixing it with his.

You talk about the trip. Well, some of it, you say that you met Kris and that you went to the best places there, but nothing about Chanyeol. He seemed to know one or another place and you frown in confusion as he mentions absentmindedly.

“You’ve been there too?” He stops chewing what you just gave him and looks away, swallowing around nothing before offering you a small smile with cheeks puffed with food

“Well–”, you shrug, “Family vacations, you can say”

“Oh! Then, I shouldn’t have bought you anything”

“Huh?”

You pull back from him and shove your hand inside the pocket of your uniform jacket to get something you bought him when you first got there, as a thank-you gift.

“I got this for you there”, he takes it when you offer to him, “To thank you for helping me out and… because you couldn’t go with us–”

Something you secretly is thankful for now that you have Chanyeol - you think secretly as you tear your eyes from the simple, small paper origami box in his hand to look at him who seems dazzled by the small gift.

“It’s–”, you turn your body to more or less face him and pull your shoulders together almost apologetically, “I bought at the shrine on top of the hill, close to the hotel”, you speak, observing him close, “It’s for protection”, you finally say it, “I thought… You could need it”, you sight in frustration with yourself, you don’t even believe in those things and your shoulders fall, “It’s stupid, I know–”

“It’s not”, he looks at you with the most sincere smile you’ve ever seen him wearing and… there’s something in his eyes. Something frail and it scares the living days out of you.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

Being with Baekhyun is different. So much different than being with Chanyeol, they have different ways to show they like you and it’s not just because you know Baekhyun better. Baekhyun’s upfront about what he feels, he doesn’t hold back if you tell him ‘it’s okay’, but he draws back the moment you ask too.

Although his hands are firm when he touches you, it’s always in a gentle manner, always careful and he always looks for your eyes. Baekhyun only looks away when there’s something wrong and he doesn’t want to talk about because it’s always about this other world he lives in, somewhere he doesn’t want you anywhere near, not if he can avoid.

Baekhyun is always trying to shield you from the things he thinks might hurt you, things that hurt him, like his family matter, his… business and everything that surrounds it.

“You know you can tell me if something bothering you, y’know”, you speak after a long silence.

You agreed meeting with him that Friday night very shortly because this particular text he sent you seemed, well, quite off-putting and disturbed you a little. You’re not sure if you’re curious or worried, but you met him anyway. Although you still have in mind that you have to wake up early the next day because you’re going to the countryside for a volunteer work, Chanyeol’s going too. It’ll be a important day since Chanyeol will be meeting your parents and apparently his parents will be there too.

You let a moment pass, only silent and the sound of the sleeping city surrounds the two of you. The two of you are snuggled on his bench on a deserted park, you’re wearing his jacket that smells like him, but also smells like alcohol and cheap snacks. You move just slightly to lean your chin on his shoulder, staring at his profile as Baekhyun himself seems to find the sand at his feet very intriguing and entertaining.

“Baek?”

He snaps out of whatever thoughts that’s been engulfing his mind and he’s surprised by how close you are when he turns to look at you and his eyes meet yours first thing. You offer him a small small smile and pull one of your arms from around his waist to place your hand on his cheek, just so he won’t look away.

“It’s okay”, he hums

“I know”, but he doesn’t say it, he never does. He wraps his arms around you tighter and pulls you even closer for a kiss and lets you kiss him any way you want.

Baekhyun doesn’t look forward, doesn’t talk about the future, he lives for what is before him, the now. Baekhyun is fierce and protective and worries a little too much sometimes. He’s still promising, he’s still a good person, still compromised to his word and determined, but, during these time you’ve been apart, apparently, it wasn’t only you who changed. He seems preoccupied and troubled more often than not, he matured in a different way and all those things seemed to be intensified.

To Baekhyun, the feeling you kissing him, touching him, always so soft and caring is enough. He just loves feeling your hands brushing on his skin so much, holding his, your arms around him, it’s still so easy for him to get lost in the smallest things. You can do pretty much anything you want with him, because it’s you, as long as it’s you. He’d let anyone laugh at him – if anyone dared to because, in the end of the day, he’s still Byun Baekhyun.

Baekhyun never talks about anything that is too far in the future with you for one reason only, he doesn’t want to think about it. The semester is ending and your future is set in whatever you decide to head next, but wherever you’re heading to is a place where he’s sure not to fit. For starters, he’s not going to college, that’s for sure. He’s too busy with his on-growing business, taken from Suho. It wasn’t much of a shock when Mr. Kim figured Baekhyun’s much better at it and the old man called even, acknowledging Suho’s had it coming.

Although Baekhyun doesn’t completely buy it, he’s always on the lookout. Whatever it is, whatever it comes to be… It just proves to Baekhyun that he’ll be losing you some time soon, he has it coming, so he might just as well use these moments, the shortest they might be, to be with you.

He’s seeing things turning on a different way. You don’t run to him like before, you don’t contact him first anymore. It’s always him and his addicted, desperate heart that seeks for you now. You seem happy and it’s something good, it’s definitely something good, but it bothers him nonetheless. Not.. That you’re happy, of course, just that, maybe, it might be a sight that you’re growing apart from him and it feels too soon. Baekhyun doesn’t feel ready to let you go, although, he’s not sure if he’d ever be.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

It’s a Sunday afternoon. Chanyeol’s practicing with the team at the gym nearby the captain’s house and you finished all homework and duties for the day. Your parents are either at work or hanging with friends, so you’re left alone. You pick up your phone while your TV plays something in the background and, almost as a second nature, you start typing a text to Baekhyun.

‘Having a good day at the sun?’

It’s not all that surprising that he replies almost right after.

‘That’s an horrible pun, Ms. Class President’

He replies jokingly

‘Still… You got it’

You reply back with an unknown easy smile on your lips as you lean back on the couch behind you, holding your phone as you type again, in a rush to send before he’d reply.

‘Too bad (⌣_⌣”) I guess it’s a side-effect from being around me so much’  
‘I’m sure you think it’s funny, tho’

‘Huh?’  
‘Says who?’ 

‘I bet you’re smiling right now’

Yeah. You’re 100% right about that, he’s staring at his phone screen with a dumb smile on his face since saw your horrible pun. He doesn’t even know how he got it. His heart’s still having trouble coming down from the sudden high just because you sent that text. It’s a very bad pun, it’s by no means funny, but he still think it is.

“Hey!” Baekhyun’s head snap up from his phone when Jongdae practically scream in his ear

“What?” He asks annoyed seeing his friend throw himself on the couch beside him at his penthouse

“You look like a puppy”, Jongdae teases, “It’s adorable”

“What do you want?”

“Red Eye came to us. He says he wants to make a deal”, Baekhyun sigh, “You can’t drop this because of–”

“I know! Fuck it!” He pushes himself off the sofa, muttering some curses under his breath as he wears his jacket, “Gotta make this quick and I can’t drink.”

“Sure thing”, Baekhyun rolls his eyes when he hears the laughter in Jongdae’s voice as they walk out of penthouse and into the elevator, “I’ll have ‘em serve you a glass of warm milk”

Baekhyun doesn’t hold back the slap upwards Jongdae’s head.

“I’m older than you!”, Jongdae protests, massaging the back of his head

“I’m your boss. Suck it up!”

“Baby boss”, Jongdae mutter before they walk out of the elevator and Baekhyun hears, but decides to ignore. He’ll save it for their next banter

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

It’s a little over 3PM when you meet Baekhyun, he’s early, as always, and wears that beautiful smile you’ve grown accustomed to. You’d never guess the ghastly things that happened just ten minutes before he rushed here to get on time. He’s never late to meet you. He only steps away from his Baby when you’re close enough and, as usual, he steals a quick kiss, sweeping you off your feet.

“Can I choose where we’re going today?” You ask once you pull away

“Sure”, he agrees without a second thought, “What?”

You frown and step closer again as he laces his fingers in yours, turning to walk back to the car. You stop, so he stops and smiles, looking at you puzzled.

“What is it?”

“Here”, you step close and try rubbing off something from his neck, “Is this… blood?”

“Huh? Where?” He tries touching, but you already rubbed it off

“Did you hurt yourself?” He looks away with a smile vacillates on his lips and pulls you to walk with him again

“It’s nothing. It’s just paint”

You know he won’t say anything else when he places his arm around your waist and kisses your cheek 

“Don’t worry, huh” You look at him, trying to make a point as the two of you stop by the driver’s door and he pinches your cheek playfully, “I mean it”, he guarantees, “I’m alright. Promise”

You pout and he smiles before opening the car’s door.

“Get in”, you blink at him, puzzled. Your eyes shift between him and the seat behind the wheels countless times before you stop, looking at him pointly

“Uhm… Baek? This is the driver’s seat”, he smile widely, very amused, you can tell.

“I know, silly. Get in”

“Baekhyun”, you frown and places a hand on his forehead to check his temperature, “Do you need to go to the hospital or something? Does it hurt somewhere?”

He laughs wholeheartedly, taking your hand from his forehead and holding it.

“It’s not like you never drove it before”

“Yeah, but–”, you look between him and the car again, still confused, “But, that was a different occasion–”

“Hey. If you’re choosing where we’re going you might as well drive us there”, he added

“But– But this is your… Baby, isn’t it? What if something happens when I’m driving it”, he shrugs

“I’ll kidnap you”, you obviously don’t by his attempt to sound serious before he smile sweetly, “C’mon, I trust you. Don’t worry and I’ll be with you anyway.”

You make sure to offer him one last chance to refuse, but he speaks up again.

“Someone might sees us if we just stay here for too long”

That seems to convince you fast enough and soon he’s walking to the other side of the car and plopping himself on the passenger’s seat very comfortably.

“Can’t lie. Being the passenger feels odd”, he comments casually, although he doesn’t look uncomfortable

“You’re welcome to take over whenever you want”, he chuckles

“Why are you so tense for? Just drive”, he reaches out to pinch your cheek as you’d do to annoy him as he drives

It’s not long after that when he starts with another one of your own methods to annoy him as he drives.

“Where are we going, tho?” You huff, now more relaxed

“Don’t even start with it!” You warn and hear his playful laughter fill the car pleasingly.


	9. Chapter 9

Only then he notices the car’s door open for him and Jongdae steps out after seeing him do so as well.

The night is dark and the drive to the condo Baekhyun knows from childhood’s something he rather not be doing. He likes even less since he had to cancel a date with you for this.

“Baek, no one likes to be called here”, Jongdae speaks up by his side, seeing his friend’s grumpy mood, “But we caused a mess in the organization. You think Mr. Kim would sit back and do nothing? Really?”

“His son caused this, not us.”

“You’re really going with that? Really?” Jongdae scoffs, “C’mon you’re smarter than this.” 

With a brusque move, Baekhyun, who had been staring out the dark tinted car window, turns to look at his friend seated beside him. 

“We’re doing everything better than before. The goods are much better than before, our business is secured, no rats, the cops are tamed. We fixed everything single thing” Baekhyun rants on, “If he wants to lose everything just he should just put that brat in his place and get over with it. He should see how many men will stay just for pure devotion to his family name and how many will waltz over to us.”

“Baek…”, Jongdae starts with a warning, “Promise me that even if Junmyeon provokes, you won’t pick a fight”, Baekhyun looks away, “Promise me!”

“Yeah, I guess”, Baekhyun careless answer with a wave of his hand has Jongdae sighing in frustration and worry.

When the car stops and the car’s doors are open for them, Baekhyun finds his other friends are there as well, waiting for him. Minseok seems worried and they greet each other briefly before walking down the path to the main door of the house.

“What is it?” Jongdae asks

“I don’t know” Minseok speaks up, “Everyone’s there”

“You mean..”

“Everyone, Baek.”

When the door opens Baekhyun walks in the house, sided by Minseok and Jongdae watchful eyes.

“My son!” Mr. Kim comes up to him with a proudful smile, extending his arms towards Baekhyun.

Jongdae and Minseok stop in place and Baekhyun is suspicious and much too aware of Suho’s burning glare directed to him. But, still he meets Mr. Kim where the old man stops and stay still as the man wraps an arm around his shoulders, bringing Baekhyun closer to him in a demonstration of affection and walking him deeper inside the house where the others were waiting, Jongade and Minseok followed short behind.

“I was worried you might not show up after all”

Baekhyun took the seat immediately at Mr. Kim’s right side. An honorable place that used to belong to the currently thumb-sucking Suho who’s sitting farther down the table.

⁎ ⁎ ⁎

You couldn’t help but smile when you saw Chanyeol waiting for you somewhere close to school just so the two of you could have some time to be together. Your friend excused herself and you enjoyed your time with him and this time you forgot to look at Baekhyun while Chanyeol took the time to sit on the desk beside yours to keep on the conversation, leaving only when the teacher arrived.

“They really look good together”, Baekhyun hears sees the boy sitting next to him pointing at you and Chanyeol, talking to his friend.

“I heard they’re going to college together,” the other replies.

“I wish I could get a girlfriend too~”

Baekhyun couldn’t avoid the bitterness that bit him right there. As if something bit him, stirring some kind of anger he didn’t mean to indulge. It wasn’t true anyway. Baekhyun knows you’re much too focused on something else. Dating isn’t something you’d want.

He saw Chanyeol looking at you during class, Baekhyun wishes he could tell Chanyeol to piss off, stay away from you, but… Between them, Chanyeol would be the right choice for you. That doesn’t make Baekhyun feel any better about it.

“But, when they started going out?” A girl asked another and Baekhyun just couldn’t ignore the conversation as he usually does.

“Remember when they arrived together when we visited that other city during the trip? I heard that was their first date”, the girls squeal.

“Chanyeol is perfect. Y/n’s so lucky!” The other replies and Baekhyun manages to ignore whatever nonsense they add after that.

Baekhyun doesn’t think Chanyeol is perfect, but better than him in some ways. At least, he doesn’t have a mafia association to consider when he’s with you. He’s the selfish bastard who put your life on the line just because he can’t let go, not just yet.

If he chooses to accept Mr. Kim’s proposal to take the seat as the second-in-command being with you would be impossible, if someone found out… Someone dangerous. Baekhyun knows how careless he’s being, Jongdae warned him again and again while he played innocent when he shouldn’t.

“The person you’re dating-”, Mr. Kim said the night before during a private conversation while they walked through the garden while Baekhyun kept his breath held in his throat.

It wasn’t a surprise Mr. Kim would know about you, but he was worried what the man would say next.

“For now, it’s an advice, son. I know you care about her”, Mr. Kim turned to look at Baekhyun and placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at his adopted son’s eyes meaningfully.

“You gotta make up your mind. You either make her yours or don’t let her be a way to get to you when things get ugly”, Mr. Kim squeezed Baekhyun’s shoulder tightly, “You might not see me as a father, specially after what happened to your mother, but think about what happened and ask yourself… Are you willing to let the same thing happen?”

The answer is easy. He would never let anything happen to you, it’s not that you’re a way to him, it’s the other way around. To get to you he’d stupid enough to put himself in the line, obviously that’s Mr. Kim’s biggest worry. Maybe he should let you be.

That was enough to stir him up some more and before the class was over, he dismissed himself. He found himself standing before the vending machine. The others had stepped aside for him while he just stood there, playing with the money in his hand. Classes were dismissed, he supposed to meet you now, at the usual place.

When he snapped to reality he got something he knows you like and something for himself before walking away. Deciding to put any of those thoughts aside, of course people would talk about you and Chanyeol, the two of you supposed to take care of the group during the trip.

“Hey! Hyung!” Sehun greeted his friend and Baekhyun stopped as the other jogged to him right wearing his PE uniform all sweaty and dirty, “Where are you going? Can we have lunch together? Can I have this?”

Sehun reaches for your favorite drink, but Baekhyun shoves his in Sehun’s hand instead.

“I have to meet someone now. Go take a bath, you’re really stinking”, Sehun looks disappointed at the drink in his hand and looks thoughtfully at Baekhyun.

“Can I come over to play later? Your TV’s better than the one in my room…”

Sehun’s voice fades out into the distance as Baekhyun listens to someone else talking. The boiling anger inside him reacted before he could stop himself. The voice of his classmate again, the same boy who sits next to him.

It’s maddening how his heart beats so hurtfully against his chest, scratching its way up his throat just so he can’t breathe. A high-pitched, deafening noise buzzes in his ear. It seems like reality has folded itself in two and he delved into the worse version of it.

‘No.’, the word is drawn in big, bold letters in his head even though his heart and his whole body shakes, his thoughts are certain and definitive, ‘No. It’s not true.’ Baekhyun tells himself, stating a simple fact. His mind is what stops him from letting himself be taken by that desperation that has already taken the rest of his body.

Baekhyun knows you better than any of these stupid kids, so of course they’re lying. Before he knows it, he’s gripping the kid by the collar of his uniform’s shirt and pulling the scared kid up close to him. The hurt in his eyes is taken by anger, that’s it! The reason why he’s body is running wild in adrenaline right now is anger. His image, the image he’s been keeping just for the sake of you. That’s gone, he can’t remember how to act in any other way.

“Who the fuck you think you are?”, he growls on the kid’s face.

He knows everyone’s gathering around him, his knuckles are white and he can see the kid’s face run pale and his eyes glazed with fear seeing the fearsome face the infamous Baekhyun twisted in anger directed at him like this. No one wants to get on Baekhyun’s bad side, never.

Sehun tries a step closer. “Stay away, Sehun”, his voice is enough to make the younger stop in his tracks and Baekhyun turns to his classmate again, “I said”, Baekhyun’s voice is low and dangerous, “—who the fuck you think you are?” His pale white teeth grinds and the boy gulps down.

“I– I’m– I’m sorry, Baekhyun! I meant it”, the voice of his classmates trembles in fear trying to find in Baekhyun’s eyes some forgiveness in the middle of all the wilderness that makes him so scary, 

Sehun steps away and pulls his phone quickly, with his hands sweaty and unsteady is a hard task to make a simple call, Baekhyun’s hold gets dangerously tight around the younger boy’s throat, cutting his air supply.

“Speak properly!”

“I’m– sor—sorry–”

“You think I want your apology? You should apologize to Y/n not to me! Shit!”, the boy seemed to say something to set Baekhyun at some kind of peace, but bit his tongue, afraid, “Why did you say that about Y/n?”

“I didn’t I swe–”, before the boy could say much else he was stumbling back against the stairs behind him, he wouldn’t fall if Baekhyun didn’t push him again.

It’s not like the boy couldn’t fight for himself, it’s not how it looks like, but who would put up a fight against Baekhyun when everyone knew who he is and where he’s from? 

“Cut the bullshit!”, the boy stood up again, slowly, carefully, head hanging low in hopes that would make Baekhyun stop coming for him, but couldn’t stop trembling and it only worsen when Baekhyun stepped closer to him, “Be honest! Try it again!”

“I heard about it when I walked in the school today–”, the boy starts carefully, holding himself together for any advance from Baekhyun, “—the others were talking about it, so I just–”

“So you just didn’t mind in spreading this bullshit too? I should break your–”

Sehun’s eyes grow two sizes the moment Baekhyun has his hand on his classmate, he can’t understand the reason why Baekhyun was making such a fuss because of something everyone already knew. Why does it matter if you’re dating Chanyeol? Everyone seemed to cheer for that, much like they would cheer for their favorite couple in a TV show.

“Baek, stop!” Jongdae is breathless as he runs to his best friend, Minseok reaches him first, pulling away from the other boy who could barely put up a fight.

“What are you doing?” Minseok asks and Baekhyun shakes him away from his body.

“It wasn’t me-”, the boy tries again, Eyes wide open, as Baekhyun jolts toward him again and Jongdae helps Minseok hold him back this time.

“That’s enough”, Jongdae says

“It wasn’t me, I swear!” The boy tries again and Minseok motions for the boy to just leave.

“Why does he care so much?” Someone whispers to another.

“It’s like a stalker. Really. Y/n should be careful.”

“Like a psycho or something.”

Jongdae disperses the crowd and orders one of the Baekhyun and the boy’s classmate to take him to the nurse.

“We should go home-”, Minseok tries to reason with Baekhyun, but he pushes Minseok away when he sees you somewhere in the crowd and feels the tint of shame inside of him, under all of that suppressed anger. He promised himself you wouldn’t see him like that again. 

“Baekhyun!” You call after him even though there are some students in the corridor and, of course, they look, “Byun Baekhyun! Wait!”

He keeps walking fast and you have to run to catch up with him, but it’s not until the two of you are alone when he finds an empty classroom that he stops and drags you inside.

Baekhyun closes the door while you stand there, against the wall, not even knowing what to say anymore. You watch him stand before you and your eyes search for his, worried and hesitant as you see the anger dissipating.

Shame is the first thing that goes by when he turns to you, he never meant for you to see him like that. All that anger just… Seem to disappear now that he sees you here, all that restless feeling just simply goes away. He should’ve known better than this.

You work like magic, just being there with him is enough. He couldn’t bear the thought of Chanyeol. Even now thinking about it makes him hate the stupid guy who said it, the girls spreading rumors. 

“Why did you do that? What if you get expelled?” Baekhyun chuckles and that smile that belongs only to him, sweet and mischievous, pulls the corner of his lips into a smile as well.

“Hey! You really think they’d do this? Did you forget who I am?” You click your tongue playfully, crossing your arms between the two of you

“You really think you’re unbeatable, don’t you?”

“Me? Y/n, that’s an old concept”, he wouldn’t remind you that you’ve managed to change that concept easily not too long ago.

The old Baekhyun wouldn’t really stand up for anyone who’s not part of his feared group of close friends. He pulls your arms free, his smile growing wider, not minding to smile openly at you anymore.

“Besides, how could I just let someone speak like that about you?”

“What were they saying anyway?”

Baekhyun chuckle, amused by the bitter thought. “They said you’re dating Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun leans against the wall behind him, pulling you along with him. He doesn’t know what or how you’d say and settle his feelings down, but the distant look in your eyes wasn’t a good start. Your expression changes and your smiles simply disappears from your lips, he could hear the echo of his heartbeat in drumming in his eyes as he saw you look down between the two of you.

You look everywhere but him and it’s almost like he knows what you gonna say. An invisible hand suddenly takes a firm hold on his heart, he can hear, but can feel how it struggles to beat. It’s suffocating.

“He… wasn’t lying, Baek.”, you look up and him carefully. Baekhyun focused on the way his heart seemed to beat as fast as it could just so it could free itself from the deadly grip.

A bitter, strangled laugh leaves Baekhyun’s lips and he leans his head against the wall. His empty laughter fills the empty room even though it’s not loud, Baekhyun closes his eyes and covers them with his hand as you step away from him. Tears sting painfully behind his eyelids and he can’t show them to you, he won’t.

He never felt so drained out of energy, so beat up and tired. Him, it had to be him. Chanyeol of all people. Him.

“I’m sorry”, Baekhyun chuckles at his own misery and tries not to think of how soothing your voice sounds.

The tone of assertiveness in the apology doesn’t seem like regret. Baekhyun knows regret and begging as most people would come out with in a moment like this. But, of course, you wouldn’t.

It’s the first time Baekhyun feels his heart being crushed, it’s worst than anything. He can’t compare with something, he just knows there’s nothing that could be any worst than this. Why does he have to love you so much? Why did let himself? Why didn’t he stop? But he knew from the beginning, didn’t he? All addiction end the same way.

Baekhyun swallows hard and feels his throat dry.

“Then?” He asks with his heart pounding painfully. It’s hurting, it hurts bad and he wants to hate you, to be utterly angry at you. Baekhyun wants to attatch himself to the tough that this is for the best. You’re safe with Chanyeol. With him, you could end up…

“I can’t let you go”

Your words doesn’t really get to him, they don’t add up as if they’ve been said in a foreign language. Slowly, with a frown so deep his eyebrows almost meet and tremble, working his brain around the meaning of them. Baekhyun opens his eyes, trying to see through the numbing pain and the remaining tears.

“What?” His voice is hoarse, but he didn’t cry.

“It’s not that I can’t decide”, you explain and thought your voice is not cold nor empty, it’s not the one he’s used to, because you’re holding back, “I just can’t let you go either. Not Chanyeol, nor you. I’m sorry.”

“So you want me? You still want me?” He shouldn’t be saying this, not like this with a pathetic happiness overlapping all the right feelings he should have right now. This pathetic Baekhyun happens to appear naturally before you.


	10. Chapter 10

_“I’m sorry”,_ your voice echoed in Baekhyun’s mind as he drove. To nowhere, he never wants to get anywhere, just- he just felt like running away, so maybe he’d make up his mind about you, about himself. What kind of person he became, all of a sudden, for you. Not that he ever strived to be like that, he just couldn’t help himself.

Now, he has to make up his mind and if you’re not gonna let go of him. Maybe he has to do this himself. It’d be the best. When you leave for college, he’s gotta stay. He’ll take the old man Kim business and make the best out of it. You’re not part of the equation in this, you’ll get hurt- or worse. Baekhyun can’t afford having you hurt because of what he decided to be when you tried to make something better out of him.

When Baekhyun pulls over, he’s not quite sure where he is, but when he comes to it, he looks around and finds himself in his old neighborhood. Where he was raised, when Mr. Kim was just a nice single-man next door, Suho’s dad. Back then, he wasn’t wasn’t a complete self-centered jerk. They were friends. The six of them, Jongdae, Minseok, Suho, Yixing, Baekhyun himself and... Chanyeol too.

But- That’s when Chanyeol was his closest friend, even more than Jongdae. Back then, he wasn’t the worthless bastard who belonged to a family of gangster, people believed he could’ve done well. Baekhyun could handle anyone. There’s so many guys you could choose, Baekhyun would’ve accepted better - or, at least, he likes to think he would. Just not Chanyeol, it’s been enough to pretend Chanyeol’s nothing a classmate and now he has to see you with him, being happy as he wishes he could make you.

Baekhyun tried before, he tried convincing himself to stop this _relationship_ or whatever anyone would call it. Whatever you call it. He sincerely thought it’d be better for you to find someone who could make you happy without having to walk hidden in shadows and corners here and there, but, he knows, he’s too selfish. Maybe as much as you’re being, maybe more because this isn’t him just accepting what you want, this is him not being able to say no because he just can’t let go.

The sound of the keys and the wooden door opening calls Baekhyun attention and he turns his head to see Chanyeol walking in the old house he moved from, the house the six boys use to cause trouble before being called for lunch or dinner, being called out to sit down and study first before playing outside. Chanyeol’s eyes find his, staring from inside the car, somehow and he stops right before going in the house.

Baekhyn can almost see the wheels turning in Chanyeol’s head, but he can’t get himself to do anything about it. He could always simply drive away. Finally, he sees Chanyeol sighing heavily and pulling the door closed.

 _‘Please, don’t.’_ Baekhyun thinks to himself, feeling his body tensing, _‘Just pretend you didn’t see me.’_ , Baekhyun pleads, hands clenching on the steering wheel, _‘Just go home and ignore me, Why are you such a-’_

“What a dumb bastard!” Baekhyun grumply murmurs to himself as he sees Chanyeol approaching him directly.

Baekhyun sighs once again and forces himself off his _Baby_ . Chanyeol’s still in his school uniform, hands stuck in the front pockets of his jacket, he looks nothing but what a high-achieving high schooler would look. _‘The bastard is even good looking and charming’,_ Baekhyun thinks to himself with a hidden laughter, _‘He suits her’,_ he adds bitterly to himself soon after.

“It’s been a while.” Chanyeol says awkwardly when he stops. Baekhyun hums and nods positively as he leans on his car.

Baekhyun sees Chanyeol gathering breath, as if he’d say something, but then he just exhales at once, looking away and hisses to himself.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, crooking his head to the side and Chanyeol looks back at him.

“Nothing” Chanyeol replies at first and there’s a pause and Baekhyun allows it because Chanyeol seems to have words stuck in his throat, whatever they are. He’d like to hear it, “Just-”

 _‘Ah~ There they are-’_ Baekyun thinks to himself as Chanyeol starts.

“When-” Chanyeol exhales again in frustration and takes a step closer, hesitantly, “You know, when I got back and saw you in class I thought, _‘well, maybe we could be friends again’_. But, if I tried to get any closer you just disappeared, everyday. You just disappeared from the classroom.”

Baekhyun would keep this secret that’s now dear to him as much as it was back then. He disappeared to meet you, he was always so eager to embrace you. Still is.

“All you do is using Mr. Kim’s fame as a gangster to push people away?”

“This time it’s true, though” Baekhyun says simply.

“Oh, so- You couldn’t even say hello. Just once?”

“What for? Because we played together when we were kids?” Baekhyun scoffs, shaking his head, “All it’d do is earn you a bad reputation and side-glares for talking to me”, Baekhyun says calmly, “As soon as they heard we used to be close you’d go from top student to gangster minion like _this!_ ” Baekhyun snaps his fingers.

“Oh, I see” Chanyeol laughs to himself, “And here I thought we could still be friends. I’m just that stupid”

“You are.”

Chanyeol hums in reply and takes another step closer and now they’re way too close, so Baekhyun chuckles.

“What’s wrong with the distance we had a moment ago.” Baekhyun mocks, “You miss me so much that you need to take a better look?” He says playfully, mannering his head as if to give Chanyeol a better angle to take a picture, “You’re talking to me now. Is that anything you’d like to say?”

“Yes” Chanyeol replies readily, “There were some things I wanted to tell you. I wanted us to talk about many things, but now- _Now!_ There’s just one thing that I need to ask.”

“What is it?” Baekhyun asked even though he could tell his old friend’s eyes what would it be, so he ready himself to how the question would come along.

“Y/n” Chanyeol started, not knowing how else to do so and licks his lips, uncertain of how to go on, “About Y/n. Actually, this is backwards-”, Chanyeol says the second part more to himself than to Baekhyun and the later waits, “You made a mess in school today. I heard them saying you could get kicked out and we’re almost graduating. So why? Why did you do all of that for Y/n? What’s so wrong about Y/n and I being a couple? Why can’t it be true? Do you like her?”

The words just poured out of Chanyeol’s lips and by the end his eyes prickled with hidden tears, he just didn’t want to have this conversation in the first place. When someone rushed to him to say what was going on he rushed to see what _really_ was it about, then he heard Baekhyun and the desperation, and anger in his friend’s voice pained him somehow in more than one way. He still can’t understand, he can’t grasp, but he knows he didn’t like the fact that Baekhyun just couldn’t like you as someone started gossiping. 

Chanyeol’s last question lingers in the air, tasting bitter on his own tongue as he runs out of breath to speak anymore. Chanyeol likes you- _a lot_ , it’s different than any other times he liked anyone else and he doesn’t want to face anyone who seems willing to have you too. He’s not sure if he’s a coward, maybe he’s unsure of himself. Should he tell you how much he likes you already, the two of you seemed to be moving slowly, you seem to enjoy doing so, but _maybe_ he should pick up a certain pace. Baekhyun isn’t someone to just take things slow, that much Chanyeol’s certain.

Baekhyun stops himself from frowning or exposing how he can read Chanyeol’s thoughts in his expression. Chanyeol just doesn’t change, as he thought. Pulling himself away from the car, Baekhyun straightens his body only making all the more obvious how small he is compared to Chanyeol, thankfully he’s standing on a slightly higher side of the hill. Which is almost nothing, but at least _something_. Like what you give him.

Once again Baekhyun considers just saying it all. Taking you for himself and get this over with. He’d do whatever it takes to keep you safe, so what’s the matter. It’s just a matter of seconds when a movie goes before his eyes where he can take you with him and everything will work out like a miraculous magic trick. He can do anything as long as you’re there, so why not?

“Yes” Baekhyun replies and Chanyeol breathe is caught in his throat, “I like Y/n”, Baekhyun adds, watching Chanyeol hiccups and step back, much to his pleasure.

Should he say it all now, then. When Chanyeol looks like lost, hurt puppy, eyes wandering everywhere but him.

“I think I should have her instead of you” Baekhyun says boldly, watching Chanyeol look at him with wide eyes, “I got a bastard in my family instead of you. Mr. Kim married my mom instead of yours, so… I got the weak end of the rope on that, so- Just think of Y/n as compensation.” Bekhyun tries sounding as emotionless as he can while Chanyeol watches him in disbelief, “She’ll be the good thing you own me. We’ll be even then”

“Baekhyun, you-” Chanyeol is cut by his own breathless state and as soon as he recoverse he chuckles pathetically, “Who do you think you are to demand to have a person as compensation? You’re just some high schooler! Are you crazy?”

“Some high-schooler” Baekhyun mocks with a sick grin prying his lips, before laughing loudly to himself. Chanyeol looks around, startled and sees a few lights in the neighborhood light up.

“Are you crazy? It’s late! You're gonna wake up the whole neighborhood.”

“Why? Afraid to be seen with a gangster?”Baekhyun asks, “Look closely, Yeol! At us! You and me.” Baekhyun mentions to Chanyeol and then his own self, pulling on Chanyeol’s uniform, before tugging on his long coat, the clothes fit him, but they are way too unfitting for a kid his age and Baekhyun knows it well, “ _You’re_ the high-schooler here. I’m a real gangster. Mr. Kim- Ah, no! _Dad_ is giving me a lot of confidence lately, there’s nothing I can’t do~”

“So?” Chanyeol asks, trying to look at Baekhyun’s eyes, “You wanna treat Y/n like Mr. Kim treats the people he used to play around with before discarding like trash? Is that it?”

“I told you, didn’t I?” Baekhyun insists, “I like Y/n.” He says more clearly this time, “If you don’t have the confidence, then just let me have what I deserve.”

Baekhyun pulled the car’s door open and hopped inside. He couldn’t say it afterall, that’s all Baekhyun could think as he watched Chanyeol become smaller as he drove away. It’s better this way, he thinks. Chanyeol watched him drive by with a heavy heart. If only the year just ended and you and him could take off to college right away. Away from Baekhyun.


End file.
